Good News- Life Is Delicious and I Want Another Bite!

Yesterday I went for my annual Mammogram and had it as "diagnostic" rather than routine so I waited for it to be read. Good news. ALL CLEAR. No signs of any questionable tissue. I was only a little uneasy through the experience. I really wanted them to squish my breasts as much as possible. How could there be anything wrong after just a few months of chemo and radiation--- right!?!?! It was 3-D type so I felt good about the results being reliable. My next one will be in April 2017.
So each physician involved with me will get a report. There are 5.  Dr. Wilson (radiation) Dr. Gor (chemo/medical) Dr. Gillum (surgeon) Dr. Leuzzi (primary) Dr. Steighner (Gyn).

Today I am getting ready for winter by putting heavier blankets on my bed, getting caught up on my bills, and taking a friend out to lunch today. Some of Janet's grandchildren will be in town. Rhona and hers will be visiting Janet's Sukkah, so it will give me a chance to get caught up with them. Another opportunity to experience all the delicious simple things in life. HooRay!!!

I started at the Virtua gym in their "Next Steps" program where you get to work with a personal trainer twice a week and can use their facilities as often as you would like. This program is a nominal charge so it was in my budget. I do not know if I will continue when done after the 8 weeks.  My trainer is Adam and he worked out a weight training and aerobatic program- starting off slow and will work my way up, as expected, my least favorite exercise is working my abs....... He first had me lay down on a bench near a railing and I immediately asked to move the bench away from the railing- he then showed me to another one that is in the back... from away from the illusion of falling. Thank goodness!! And I do not have to get up and down off the floor. What a relief. Getting up off the floor has become very awkward.

I want to thank all of you for being by my side throughout this last year. It has been great to reach out and talk to you. I will continue to write about different things that cross my mind and what is going on in my life from time to time, as I love to write. Thank you again for your loyalty and all your interest and love. It has meant the world to me. I never felt alone or lost.  All because of you. You are the BEST!

Going For An Anniversary- A Whole Year Without A Haricut

My first Chemotherapy treatment was 12-30-15.  My hair started to fall out 2 weeks later and then I got a buzz cut. Eventually I became bald. Since we are approaching November already, I have decided to go the distance. I do have choices, I can still gel it and keep the curls tighter or I can get it somewhat smooth on top with lots of fullness with some blow drying.  Either way, I get lots of compliments so it is not about what looks good or is considered attractive. I am just in a new relationship that was not planned or expected....... I am still in the getting to know you phase of this relationship.  I always loved my hair and I am sure I will love my new hair as well. However, it is a reminder of everything I went through.  It tells the tale of chemotherapy, that I had to have because of the stage of my breast cancer. It is in fact, very bittersweet.

Making Strides Against Breast Cancer

I went today to walk around Cooper River. My friend Karen had invited me.  Apparently she has been doing the walk for many years now.   Recently, she finished her 3rd round of treatment for breast cancer--- like #1 was back in the 90's and then #2 was in early 2001 and now #3 came again in 2014 - 2015-and I knew I wanted to get caught up with her so I went to the walk for Breast Cancer ----I really wanted to know first hand from her ..... what did she mean her 3rd treatment !?!?!?!?!?  She had sort of wrote it all in an email to me but I had a hard time following the story and it raised more questions for me then it answered.  So if I had to walk in order to talk, so be it.  Besides, I got to met her great and loving family and get some decent exercise.

I keep saying that Breast Cancer is NOT my thing, but today it was everyone's thing! I am certain that since many people like myself registered late or just showed up to support friends and family, there had to be over 3,000 walkers. They even closed off Park Blvd so people could walk in the street. Prior to the walk, they had collected  $182,219.46.     

EVERYONE was there!  

"There were long ones, tall ones, short ones, brown ones, 
Black ones, round ones, big ones, crazy ones, 
Out of the middle, came a Lady, 
She whispered in my ear, 
Something crazy, 
She said, 
Spill the wine and take that pearl 

I thought to myself, what could that mean?"

It means that everyone is affected by Breast Cancer. No one is exempt. Even men have breasts and get cancer in them. There was a tent just for "survivors" and plenty of snacks and water and items to buy.  The walk did me good. I was so pleased to see Karen and hear her whole story.  Left side, then years later, right side, more years later, back to left side again, now bye bye breasts, enough is enough. Hello reconstructed ones. 

And how life goes on.  

Desmond has a barrow in the marketplace

Molly is the singer in a band
Desmond says to Molly girl I like your faceAnd Molly says this as she takes him by the hand

Ob la di ob la da life goes on bra
La la how the life goes on
Ob la di ob la da life goes on bra
La la how the life goes on

Buys a twenty carat golden ring
Takes it back to Molly waiting at the door
And as he gives it to her she begins to sing
A home sweet home
With a couple of kids running in the yard
Of Desmond and Molly Jones
Desmond lets the children lend a hand
Molly stays at home and does her pretty face
And in the evening she still sings it with the band
A home sweet home
With a couple of kids running in the yard
Of Desmond and Molly Jones
Molly lets the children lend a hand
Desmond stays at home and does his pretty face
And in the evening he's a singer with the band

Desmond takes a trolley to the jeweler's store

In a couple of years they have built

Happy ever after in the market place

In a couple of years they have built

Happy ever after in the market place

And if you want some fun sing ob la di bla da

Staying In Touch

In November I will be seeing Dr. Gor, my medical oncologist.  I need to remember to ask her if I can have the shingle vaccine now that I am 60 and am ready for it. My PCP was reluctant to give it to me until Gor gives the okay.  I went to get my annual mammography and learned that I could not have it the evening that I went because now it is "diagnostic" which must be done when there is a radiologist in the house to review it while I wait. So I rescheduled for Friday October 28.

My hair is still growing in curly and I have not had a hair cut in 10 months- feels odd to me to not need a hair cut. I am using lots of gel or mouse on my hair to keep the curls tight and not puffy. But by the end of the day, my hair feels big  and looks like a carpet was placed on my head. One day, over a weekend, I want to try and blow dry it and see what it looks like.

My first week of cooking proved to be good enough but the 2 nd week went better. However I learned I make too much and some goes to waste. So I am going to try to make smaller batches. The pots and pans I have were a shower gift from Aunt Gertie back in 1983.  They seem to be in good shape and are stainless steel. I got rid of all my pans that were old with telfon on them.

The house feels some what strange now that Madison has been out for a month or 2 but yet I am comfortable here alone. I am ready to start to get rid of stuff- so much is sentimental but I need to start the process. I want Janet or Beth to do a garage sale in the spring so I can at least sell some of it. Madison hardly wants anything that belonged to the older generation. Her boy friend Brian really does not like antiques at all.  Oh well. Live and let live as they say.

My best friend from high school had her thyroid removed last week. It had cancer on it but all the lymph nodes were clean. She is recovering nicely thank goodness. She has always been an angel in my life. We appear to be very different in some ways but our love for one another is extremely strong. We are both good people down deep and that is what matters besides because we are both a little corny, we always have fun together and can laugh at each other's jokes. Over the years, just her presence gives me comfort. I count her among my blessings. I am so deeply happy to have my family and friends in my life. All of you have made a big difference. Just a phone call or a text message or a greeting card, feels like the hand of G-d touching me , reminding me that I am loved.  Thank you all so much.

Keep Me In Your Prayers- Once Again I Am Changing My Eating Habits, As I Got Plans For Myself and Many Things To Do.

Got To Live, To Love This Country- It really has been hard not to just give up. It is so much easier to forget about what I eat and go blindly on with my life. But I really want to live, at least long enough to have some retirement years- like to 75 please, that is 15 more years!

I shopped and cooked today- made 2 kinds of soup for the week and a salmon casserole for my lunch at work.  I am not so sure the soups are that tasty- one I accidentally added too much cinnamon but I will eat it anyway..... it is full of vegetables - kale, broccoli, tomatoes, mushrooms, carrots , onion, celery but regardless of how everything came out, there is fruit and vegetables now in my house- The other soup is made from acorn squash and apples. Very hardy. I am planning on doing a fruit and almond milk shake in the morning, lunch can be soup or salmon and dinner will be soup.

This getting healthy stuff is hard work. I really do want to live and my eating habits are going to put me in an early grave.  Every week at work, we give a dementia diagnosis to someone in their 60's which usually means no more driving.  I will scream my head off if when I retire I need to give up driving before I am 70!

I have been counting on getting myself a little Airstream trailer and touring around the USA....... my plan is to sell the house in Voorhess, buy whatever condo I can afford in Ventnor, and take to the road. I will get myself a decent SUV to pull it and I think I can manage the trailer by myself as they are between 16 and 22 feet long. The Airstreams are low to the ground so they are less prone to tipping and I can drop it at a campsite and use the car for exploring the area. I have seen some nice ones that are just a few years old and hardly even used. I hope to travel 6 months and be back in New Jersey for 6 months. There is a good chance that Madison might be married by then and considering having a child or two so I  want to flexible in case she needs me to be around.

I became more convinced that this is what I want to do after visiting Jackie and Jay down in Tennessee this summer. We had such a nice time in Knoxville attending the Blue Plate Special music hour at the radio station that I realized there is so much more to see and experience than just National Parks. I really hope I get to do this. I know I will have so much fun doing the research and planning it. There are plenty of blogs and such of other people doing the same thing.  Isn't this little trailer cute!!!  Lucky for me, the biggest East coast sales division of Airstreams is right here in the great state of New Jersey.... just up the road a piece. They will have everything I will need.              Colonial Airstream   1121 Route 88/ Ocean Ave.  Lakewood, NJ 08701













Lightweight, nimble, and fuel-efficient, the Airstream Sport sets a new standard for ease of use. Perfect for those who want to hitch up and go, the only question is where you’ll take it first. 

Wisdom is the Reward for My Persistence

Although my suicide attempt was on September 13, 2007 on the secular calendar, it will always be the first day of Rosh Hashanah that I feel the most emotionally connected to because it provided me with the opportunity to slip away. The Lord blessed me with another chance at a good and worthy life after I clearly took my will from him and I was given the chance to get well and help others because of my tragic experience.  Today I am actually going into work as I did not plan ahead enough to get the day off but I will be in prayer on Yom Kippur ...... interesting that we pray for forgiveness after we get a new beginning.  Like a reminder that it is year long commitment to behave in accordance with his intention for us and the world. 

I want  to thank all of you for letting me share my story with you, not just about my breast cancer but my entire story.  Although it may look easy to be so visible it is often hard and risky as we live in a world full of rules and judgments. I decided I am brave and full of faith that the Lord loves me and will take care of me.  I have done 3 very brave things in my life. The first was leaving Florida and returning to New Jersey so Madison could know what family was all about and be raised in a safe and loving environment.  Next , I felt brave when I swallowed 45 sleeping pills.  It was hard to do but my suffering was beyond my ability to go on and I saw no other way out. Please please know that people that take their own lives are not cowards at all. They are in fact brave and in so much despair that just breathing is anguish and torment. I truly hope the world of science make strides in treating this terrible disease and start making an investment in understanding all the sources of depression and treating it much more aggressively than they do.   And telling my full story is the third bravest thing I am doing, Letting go of shame helps me feel worthy of a good life..... that all my experiences, choices, learning, understanding has lead me to my wisdom and my ability to assist others as they struggle in their lives....... none of my wisdom came easily and I am proud of having the persistence to have discovered it, time and time again.   

Rosh Hashanah means “Head of the Year.” Just like the head controls the body, our actions on Rosh Hashanah have a tremendous impact on the rest of the year.

As we read in the Rosh Hashanah prayers, each year on this day “all inhabitants of the world pass before G‑d like a flock of sheep,” and it is decreed in the heavenly court “who shall live, and who shall die ... who shall be impoverished and who shall be enriched; who shall fall and who shall rise.”  It is a day of prayer, a time to ask the Almighty to grant us a year of peace, prosperity and blessing. But it is also a joyous day when we proclaim G‑d King of the Universe. The Kabbalists teach that the continued existence of the universe depends on G‑d’s desire for a world, a desire that is renewed when we accept His kingship anew each year on Rosh Hashanah.