I did not know I could cry about my cancer as I had not done so as of Friday August 19. But this hair thing is bothering me- My current head of hair is not familiar to me. It has waves and curls and then if I comb it it gets ----well.... I do not really know the right word because I have not had curly hair since 1989 when I got my last permanent. But it seems high on my head and soft too. I have no real style- I have not had a hair cut since early in January 2016, 2 weeks after my first chemotherapy treatment. In May, my family and I noticed that I had a hair line again and ever since then I stopped wearing "caps" and have been just waiting for it to grow..... and grow into something I could style. I have these little pointy hairs around my ears that don't go forward or behind my ears but just twist in odd directions. I am not happy with my hair right now.
Well here it is---- almost the end of summer and I still do not need a hair cut but I need to do something to style this darn thing- So I stopped by Maureen's shop at the Ritz shopping center and asked her advice. She suggested light mousse. But before she did, I cried. I actually wined. "I want to look like myself again." She painfully reminded me that I will not be who I used to be before my diagnosis. I am forever changed. I do not like seeing evidence of my diagnosis of cancer. ... not such visible evidence that makes people notice and then comment to me. I want my cancer to be invisible. So I can talk about it at my discretion.... just like my depression and my heart surgery or any other medical problem I have experienced in my life time. My hair outs me..... as a person who went through cancer chemotherapy treatment. As we approach almost a year of dealing with this, the evidence is in my face. A sometimes sad face. A sometimes blessed face. A sometimes scared face but all of it really is still me.
