It's here

Two things I have been waiting for- my new chemotherapy concoction and the first snowfall. At 10:15 am today I will see my delightful Dr. Gor and show her the little sores on my head. I am taking my ipad and some books.  They will try out my port for the first time too. 

I am prepared for both snow and chemo. For the snow- I filled up  both of my cars with gas. I have food in the house. I ran the dishwasher and will do the same with doing all my laundry this morning.I am preparing to be sick. When I get home- I will make a big pot of tea so I will have ice tea for the week.  I have plenty of bird food and cat food. I even bought a new shovel. Beth picked up some rock salt for me too.

I will miss shoveling the snow. I love going out in the dark night when all is quiet and slowing shoveling my driveway. The good news is that we have more cars this year. So with my new car (2008 Camry)  in the driveway and the one Madison (2002 Highlander) drives too, there will be less driveway to shovel but I also always shovel a path over to Janet's. I have never seen Madison shovel. But this weekend will be different. She will do it this snowfall.  My neighbor actually has a snowblower but he does not like me so he has never done either of my sidewalks. I wonder if he knew I was getting chemotherapy for Cancer if he would help me this year.? I am confident that all my family would say-"Not a chance".

Today I am aware of what I will likely experience. I know I will have pain and suffering. I will be nausea and have loose stools. Also, I want to give some credit to a former chemo patients who received Neulasta.  She was correct when she reminded me that she warned me about the shot. She said It will feel like I got run over by a Mack truck. and I said she did not use the word PAIN. She thought she was being very clear. I learned I am very literal. I do not know what that meant. I needed specific. "Your bones will hurt and you wont be able to get comfortable." So technically I was warned. I was too dense to get it. Or too naive or maybe both. I did call the company and they did say that since the shot is now pre-package- that could not give me less. I would have to go back on Monday to get a shot to get less. This place no longer does that. My doctor tried to convince that my pain was likely from the chemo and not the shot. (The doctor was right!- I had no pain from the shot the 2nd time- it was part of my allergic reaction tot the "T" (vodka in my first formula) So this will be the true test as my cocktail has changed for  TC to AC. Is the pain from the shot or was it from the "T".?

So I have prepared for the pain this time by planning on working with Nancy Patterson tomorrow evening- God willing I will be able to get to her house for a session with her for taking away the pain.  I can always do it over the phone if the weather is too bad for Madison to drive me there. 

I have not be able to focus on my paper work again- sorting thru the bills is my least favorite grown up thing to do and when I am stressed, I let it go and just hope most of it is on automatic. Today when I get home, I will try to do it before I feel sick and tired. That part reminds of when I stopped doing it when I got sick from depression. This is different though because I can do it I just do not want to. It is a PIA.   "Pain In the Ass"