More work created by chemo -It is more than it appears- to be on the surface-

OH MY GOODNESS- I have been sick all week with diarrhea and and a cold started bad Wednesday evening- It is  more than it appears-

Germs are now a problem and I always prided myself on being able to tolerate germs- so my diarrhea and chest cold ain't what I thought -- I need to avoid getting infection and I kind of already have one so I am taking an antibiotic-  No sores in my mouth! using Imodium now too - Been keeping my hands covered in lotion and ointments but now it is even more important that I do not allow them to crack open. 

Took a shower and washed really good- all the  blankets that I been suing have been washed also today. I hate Purel though and all that anti bacteria crap- will keep washing with hot water and mild soap 

Neutropenia (Low White Blood Cell Count)

This information explains how to avoid getting an infection while you have neutropenia (low white blood cell count), and how to recognize the signs of infection.   Neutrophils are a type of white blood cell. They help your body fight infection. When your neutrophil count is low, you’re at risk for infection. To prevent infection, you must follow the instructions below until your neutrophil count returns to normal. Watch for any signs of infection and report them to your doctor or nurse. Be sure to take your temperature orally (by mouth), as directed by your doctor or nurse. Call your doctor or nurse if it is 100.4° F (38° C) or higher.

General Hygiene 

• Shower or bathe daily. Wash carefully under your arms, in your anal and genital areas, and in skin folds.
• Wash your hands using soap that can kill germs. Look for the words “antibacterial” or “antimicrobial.” Dial® is one example, but there are many others. Wet your hands with warm water and then rub your hands with soap for at least 15 to 20 seconds. Rinse your hands well under warm running water. Dry your hands with a paper towel.
• Perform mouth care after each meal. Use an ultra-soft toothbrush and brush and rinse as directed by your doctor or nurse.

• Use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer (such as Purell®) after shaking hands and after contact with young children.                                                                         

Ways to Prevent Infection
• Avoid having visitors to your home who have a cold or recently had an infection.
• Wear a mask if you have to go out in public places, use public transportation, or are in crowded areas.
• This will help protect you from catching a cold or other respiratory infection.
• Do not have any dental work or procedure done that is not urgent. Speak with your doctor or nurse first.
• Ask your doctor or nurse if you can:
  • Use tampons
  • Use suppositories
  • Have enemas
• Do not eat raw meats, raw fish, or raw eggs. Ask your nurse or dietitian for the resource Low Microbial Diet, if you have not already received it.
• Do not share eating or drinking utensils.
• Do not get a manicure, pedicure, wax, or tattoo without the approval of your doctor or nurse.
• Do not shave your scalp. Try to avoid shaving any other part of your body. If you must shave, use an electric razor.
• Do not touch any animal waste products (i.e., litter boxes, fish tanks, pet cages).
• Do not garden or handle soil. Avoid flowers, live plants-                                                  Call Your Doctor or Nurse if You Have Any of the Following Signs of Infection:

• A temperature of 100.4° F (38° C) or higher
• Shaking chills
• Nausea and vomiting that is not getting any better
• Flushed face
• Sweats
• Cough
• Diarrhea
• Mouth sores
• Headache
• New onset of pain
• Irritability
• Pain or burning during urination
• Feeling tired, especially if you also have flu-like symptoms

TGIF

I am so Happy it is Friday - you have no idea- I will talk to Liz today at work about making my schedule lighter after my next chemo-  I do not like being do drained -

Today is going to be a great day though. David Libon is coming in to meet with the MAP team and  Dr. Chopra  and Dr. Forsberg- I am so excited for this new professional adventure.  I learned so much from him before and we work great together. I will also enjoy the interplay between him and Dr. White. A  BIG thank you goes to Dr. DiGregorio, Dr. White is no longer "green".  She was realy able to mentor him.  There aint nothing like having mutual respect for your professional colleagues  on the same team. We are dedicated to making a difference- Thank goodness I do not need to worry about "my numbers" . When you are under paid- your numbers just do not matter. Ha ha.

Still have congestion and upset stomach. But Ruben is coming to clean today which also makes me happy. Emie will help me with paperwork too and clean out refrigerator. and then I will do nothing all weekend. Wow - that sounds so good- Well- when I say nothing I mean- I will sit with my  kitties and watch birds fed- and visit with my family.  OMG- Selene is coming too- and she got the blog ready for me. That is making me so happy!  

More people have learned that I am getting chemotherapy as my clients and  co-workers. Many have felt bad for me and expressed concern-- Trust me- as bad as I have been feeling and I do not like this chemo crap, I know that  LIFE IS GOOD-  I am loved and I can give love and I have my soul and my brain is working and my bills can be paid and I have a warm home and enough money to provide for me and my family. I am deeply blessed. I will not die from cancer any time soon. And when I do die- it will be okay. I have had a wonderful life and learned so much. and always tried to asssit others in any way that I can. I think God is happy with me.

shower time !

today

I figured out why I feel so lousy beside having an upset stomach is that I also have a bad head and chest cold. I will see the doctor tomorrow and see if I can take some Bactrim
to clean out  my sinus- I have a terrible headache this morning and am coughing too. At 1:45 tomorrow I go in for another toxicity check since my cocktail has changed.

So today will be somewhat of a challenge as I get ready for work. Maybe I will feel better after a hot shower. And loosen up my congestion.  

Why I could not let maureen shave my head- I am a Jew

I could not initially fiqure out my resistance to letting her shave my head and get rid of all the hair completely. Did I think I was better than all the other cancer patients who do this? Was I being vain? I could not understand it at first but little by little it came to me about the rituals performed as women arrived at concentration camps. I could not let my head be shaved. I am not dying. I am not a prisoner. I am a free American Jewish woman who is being treated for breast cancer.

Upon arrival, Jews were forced to shave their heads clean of hair, this was later used for mattresses, boots, socks, and other clothing. To facilitate easy recognition of any escapees from the camps. They also cut off their hair to humiliate them.

"Mr Blatt only survived Sobibor because he was selected as a so-called "work-Jew". Instead of being murdered upon arrival, he was chosen to shave the heads of women in a barrack room before they were dispatched to the gas chambers next door. The women's hair would ultimately be sent to Germany and turned into blankets for U-Boat crews."

It is Monday January 25, 2016 after our first Blizzard of the Season

This treatment was not too bad- No pain and very little nauseousness. Must be somewhat related to new  drug doctor gave me to take the following 3 days after treatment. Which is mentioned below.  Nancy's energy psychic healing could also still be working.

After getting house in order and eating well and sleeping and  doing body care. Weekend was uneventful. Watched movies and looked up stuff for cruise on ipad.  Lots of help with shoveling thanks to Madison, Brian and Janet.  I got to feed all the birds and sit by the window with my kitties watching them feast. Now getting ready to go to work. Took a little nap before my shower. 

Looking forward to next weekend as many of the extended family that could not come this weekend should be coming for a visit next weekend. Did make sure all my credit cards are paid. Most everything else is automatic debt. Still need to go through all the paper accumulated on my desk though. Maybe tonight. Also need to fix a few broken things in the house. 

so all is well with me. hope all of you made out well also.

Talk more soon. 

Lots of love,

Nancy

Dexamethasone

What this drug is used for:

• As an anti-inflammatory medication.  Dexamethasone relieves inflammation in various parts of the body.  It is used specifically to decrease swelling (edema), associated with tumors of the spine and brain, and to treat eye inflammation.
• To treat or prevent allergic reactions.
• As treatment of certain kinds of autoimmune diseases, skin conditions, asthma and other lung conditions.
• As treatment for a variety of cancers, such as leukemia, lymphoma, and multiple myeloma.  
• To treat nausea and vomiting associated with some chemotherapy drugs.
• Used to stimulate appetite in cancer patients with severe appetite problems. 
• Also used to replace steroids in conditions of adrenal insufficiency (low production of needed steroids produced by the adrenal glands).

Note:  If a drug has been approved for one use, physicians sometimes elect to use this same drug for other problems if they believe it might be helpful.
How this drug is given:

• This medication may be given to you in many forms. In a pill form, it is available in a variety of tablet sizes.  If you are on a daily dose of dexamethasone (usually less than 10 mg), and you miss a dose, take the dose as soon as you remember. If you are on high doses of dexamethasone (20 mg or 40 mg per day for 4 days out of the month), and you miss your dose, contact your healthcare provider. You may be instructed to repeat the missed dose, and continue the medication.
• Take pills with food or after meals
• This medication may also be given by infusion into a vein (intravenously or IV)
• Dexamethasone eye drops are given to treat or prevent many eye conditions. The eye drops are most commonly given to patients with leukemia or lymphoma, to prevent inflammation of the eyes (conjunctivitis), if you are receiving high dose chemotherapy (usually Cytarabine [Ara-C]). The eye drops are given every six hours, in both eyes, and for at least 48 hours after the chemotherapy has completed.  Do not stop taking these eye drops unless directed by your healthcare provider. 
• You may be given dexamethasone as a lotion (topical) to treat skin disorders. 
• The amount of dexamethasone you will receive depends on many factors, including your general health or other health problems, and the reason you are receiving this drug.  Your doctor will determine your dosage and schedule.

Body care and life is a BIG job with lots of work

Well Guys and Gals- It has been snowing- 11 years ago we had a blizzard too and Madison had her Bat mitzvah. It was another unpleasant experience. But today she cleared the driveway and sidewalk nearest to the house and cleared off all the cars. Not an easy chore for her. Hard physical labor while cold it not her cup of tea. So now she is napping. I put a down comforter on her bed today and she is all cozy. Janet did the back path to her house for me. 

I just took a warm bath and covered my "toy " with a plastic bag so it would not get wet--- It should torture me in about an hour or so.  My house is finally in order (bills are next)

I am ready to rest after I finish my body care. Your know our human bodies require a lot of work to be properly maintained and cared for- Brush teeth, rinse mouth Floss teeth, shape and pluck eyebrows, moisture face in the morning, moisturize face in the evening, keep hands and feet properly moisture too. Cut toenails, cut and shape fingernails, Lotion on body. Take vitamins, keep up with routine blood work. Get enough sun to process Vitamin D but not too much to get skin cancer. Once a year in stirrups, once a year Mammography, every 5 years colonoscopy. Yearly dental X-rays, teeth cleaned. Drink water, get enough sleep and rest. Exercise daily if possible and at least 3 times a week. Strengthen your core. Do cardio. Keep muscles mass good. Lower body fat ratio. Avoid sugar, Avoid bad fats. Eat good fats. No preservatives or GMOs. Stick with natural like God and Mother nature made- Nutrient dense. Fruits and Vegetables. Nothing white. Get enough berries, use high quality extra virgin olive oil. Wash hair but not too often. Uses conditioner. Do not pull just fluff. Cleanse face. Tone face. Use sunscreen that won't clog pores. OMG- I think I want to retire just so I can keep up with my bodily functions- did I mention to make sure I am eliminating daily. Juicing is good, Fiber is good- don't drink juice though from the store full of sugar. Cows milk is out. Almond milk is in- Get unsweetened. Drink green tea.   

And go to work; meet your friends for dinner. Keep a clean and organized home, Cook daily and especially on weekends- Food shop at more than one store. Empty the trash. Make sure house smells good. Feed the cats- empty cat litter. Play with cats so they know they are loved. Send out birthday cards. Call friends and chat to keep up with them. Tell family you love them. Plan and go on vacation. Do weekend getaways. Make time to visit with friends and family even when not a holiday. Be involved with book clubs or volunteer and be part of professional and social groups. Attend services for religious purposes. Sit and spend time with adult children and listen. Validate them and listen so more. Do not offer suggestions unless asked. Stay informed with politics especially with national and local elections.  Know your geography. Learn to use the Internet and all that it entails. Clean out your inbox almost daily before you get overwhelmed. Do that at home and at work. Return all phone calls. Make sure you get some "me" time alone. Have a good cry. 

Moments of reflection, the evening of chemo #2 and night and sweet dreams

Busy evening. I have preparing for the storm. No not the snow silly. The pain, being uncomfortable and a little suffering. This time is expected to possibly be a little worse. More type of side effects with greater intensively. I would have liked to have read "For Dummies: How to Prepare to have Chemotherapy Treatment for Breast Cancer ". 

So tonight I have been preparing to not be available to function for a few days and nights. I had to go through my food cabinets and make room for real food in my kitchen. I reorganized my pantry which meant I needed to make room elsewhere near the kitchen for stuff.  It is important to get extremely organized before getting sick. The world outside of me needs to be easy accessible to me. Almost planning to be temporarily disabled. Or maybe it is the same you do before you go on a long vacation. Getting your home organized, make your return as pleasant as possible. Take of bills in advance. Change all the linens. Figure out how to handle,trash, mail etc. I did not plan well to experience temporary disability. Wow. What a great concept. "This too shall pass".

It would have been lovely if once upon a time I knew that my despair and panic would fall into the category of "this too shall pass". It would have been wonderful if I could have know "this too shall pass" when the only route out of my suffering was to go away. Exit. Escape. Leave. I must find a way. I cannot take more of this. How the hell can I do this. I was alone in my head with all my emotions. Very dangerous place for anyone to be. 

My experience with cancer has been greatly influenced by my experience with my clinical depression. Sad that this great outlook that I am sharing, was built on the heart and soul of my depression. What a horrible way to develop such a positive attitude. In that light, my experience with Phil and his addiction helped prepare me too. Everything I learned in 12 step programs changed my life for the better for my entire life. Totally changed the trajectory of my life. God loved me so much he sent a wonderful man who was also an addict who wanted to be with me very badly for some unknown never disclosed reason. ( I was.... well, let's say,  when Phil meet me, I was - very attractive and very needy and FUN, of course).  A "Wicked" combination. 

If I did not know better. I would say that maybe everything in life happens for a reason even when we have no clue of what that could possibly be. We take what we are given and do our best and then let go. I  believe my friends and family aka, guys and gals, that is simply what faith is. Faith is the willingness to embrace acceptance that not one single human being is running the whole big show, it is, in fact, beyond any one of us, there is no safety and we are free to chose to surrender to a higher power without proof and complete understanding of those mysteries. YEP--- sounds like faith to me.

You are deeply loved by your creator and me.

Always, with an open heart,

Nancy