Friday, December 30, 2016

I Want To Be Me Again

When I was depressed, I was frustrated because I was not myself. While being treated for clinical depression, I withstood a major trauma in my life and started to comfort myself with food, a very old reliable friend. Not necessarily a good friend though. It did provide the comfort I was seeking but it also allowed to me to become obese, angry, sad and lost again.  So basically, I have not been myself for 9 years now.

One would think that I might identify as a fat person but I do not. I am a normal body size person who has become morbidly obese. I am definitely aware that I am eating myself to a slow and painful death. I am in fact becoming disabled. My back and knees hurt when I walk and I limp every time I start out from my chair and desk at work until I can straighten up in a minute or two. It might be mostly muscular as it has gotten much worse since I started at the gym. So for now, that plan is off the table and I am going back to hot yoga next week. At least I did not have pain when I was going there on a regular basis and I was far from crippled then too.

It is a strange experience to be watching yourself destroy yourself. That is what I have been doing. And it was okay with me in some ways. You should hear some of my rationalizations for this behavior. Amazing, I have given myself permission to be weak, to take it easy, to give up, to throw in the towel, to accept failure.  To believe that I do not have what it takes to fight my food addiction.
And all the while, all day and night, I help others become who they want to be in their lives.  What a painful contradiction I have been living with these 9 years. Part of the pain is that I am helpful to others and they are grateful and part of me wants to continue to be here to make a difference in their lives as well as my own and my daughters and for my family.

I actually have most everything I want in my life. I see people my age get sick and die or become cognitively disabled or physically impaired on a weekly basis. I already know the truth that life is short. I still want my dreams.  But I also know, I will NOT be able to have them if I chose to do nothing about my weight and eating.

So I have made a commitment to do a liquid cleanse variation program. My former neighbor, Aby has been doing Isogenics. It sounds similar to what I did when I did Obesity Research at Penn-  one meal a day with 2-3 liquid meals and twice a month --- This program includes 2 days of liquid only which they call a deep cleanse. For the last year, every time I try to lose weight, I gain 5 pounds. I am over 250 pounds and I can't manage myself anymore. I miss me and I need to get a bulk of this weight off fast and then deal with eating a more balanced style.  I need a spiritual, emotional and physical cleanse like this.  My first box will be arriving sometime in the first week of January 2017.

For those of you who disagree with me doing this, please keep your opinions to yourself as I have to do it this way so I can feel some success. I currently feel pretty hopeless.... until I started reading about Aby on Facebook. And I have been miserable and getting more and more depressed and disappointed.  I am not ready to sit life out on the side lines and wait to die. We already know I do not do that well so I am fighting to get myself back. The antidepressant gave me my soul and now I must give myself my body back.  The trauma is way behind me. What is gone form that is all gone and I choose to no longer let that experience steal my life from me. I deserve a whole life in a healthy body.  I am worthy of all my dreams come true. It is not too late. Amen


The Isogenics Cleanse is a whole-body, completely natural nutritional cleansing diet.
Here are my reviews of some of the top meal replacement shakes that are out there. I’ve tasted and graded all of the shakes based on a number of different factors. Just click on the one that most interests you to find out some more details.
SlimFast was one of the original meal replacement shakes. I still remember their old commercials, where they talked about having a shake for breakfast, another one for lunch, and then a sensible dinner. But nostalgia aside, how do their shakes stack up to competition? Read my review and find out. PRICE: A+ It costs $17 [... Read More]
Isagenix Isalean shakes have been getting more and more popular. I personally had no idea why, since I’d never tried that meal replacement shake before. So I thought it was about time that I did. Here’s my review. PRICE: B You can buy a tub of Isagenix for about 40 bucks. That’ll get you 14[... Read More]
I’d heard that IdealShape was supposed to be a pretty decent meal replacement shake. And since it’s cheap (which is explained more below), I figured I’d review it. Here are my thoughts. PRICE: A+ IdealShape is one of the most affordable shakes that I’ve looked at. You can get a 30 day supply for just [... Read More]
I had never heard of Labrada Lean Body shakes before. But after some friends told me about them, I thought it was only fair to check them out. Here’s what I found. PRICE: B+ Losing weight shouldn’t cost a fortune. So whenever I find a meal replacement shake for less than 40 bucks, I’m happy.[... Read More]
I have to admit. I’m a little biased when it comes to GNC.  I’ve always been a big fan of their products, so I’ve been dying to try out GNC Total Lean meal replacement shake.  I had my fingers crossed in hopes that it wouldn’t disappoint.  Here’s my review after the taste test. PRICE:  A [... Read More]
I’ve been hearing a lot of good things about Visalus meal replacement shakes, so I thought it was about time that I try it out for myself.  Here’s my review. PRICE:  A You can buy Visalus shakes a la carte for $45.  That gets you 30 servings, which comes to about $1.50 per meal.  If [... Read More]
I’ve been hearing nonstop about the Shakeology meal replacement shake. It falls under the BeachBody line of products, which I’m already a big fan of.  The only thing that held me back from running out and buying this shake was the price (which you can read about more below).  I finally bit the bullet and [... Read More]
Advocare meal replacement shakes have been around for a while now.  So I thought it was about time that I had a taste test.  Here’s what I found out: PRICE:  B- You can get 14 servings of Advocare shakes for about $45.  That comes to about $3.20 per meal.  That’s a little bit on the [... Read More]
Herbalife has been making weight loss products for years, so I thought it was time that I finally gave them a fair shake (no pun intended).  Here are my thoughts on Herbalife’s meal replacement shake. PRICE:  A+ You can find Herbalife meal replacement shakes on Amazon for about $30 bucks.  That’ll get you 30 servings, [... Read More]

Saturday, December 24, 2016

There Were Times When I Was Creeped Out

The next time you wonder whether it's okay to ask a friend how their cancer treatment is going, consider the story of testicular cancer survivor Dan Duffy and his buddy Chris.
"One day while sitting in the car waiting for a mutual friend, he started asking me questions," writes Dan, a contributor to Philly.com's “Diagnosis: Cancer”blog.  "Some were serious, some were seriously flawed. They included:
"How did you get it?"
"So, how bad does it get?"
"Do you just puke constantly?"
"Since it's testicular cancer, just say you're having sex with your girlfriend ... Can you give it to her, like an STD?"
Was Dan offended? Not at all. Chris, he knew, was just being Chris.
“It taught me that while I appreciated my friends' genuine concern, every now and again, I needed someone who just didn't like me more, or differently, because I was sick," Dan wrote. He's healthy now, and reports that Chris can still be kind of a jerk. "And I still love him.”
It's the holiday season, when friends and family who may not have seen each other for a while are gathering. "How's it going?" seems a safe enough question. But what if someone in your circle is dealing with a health crisis?
We asked the experts - survivors and caregivers who have written for our "Diagnosis: Cancer" blog. They were unanimous on one point: The worst thing you can do is ignore another person's pain. Saying something well-meaning but kind of stupid is not great, but it's better than walking away.
Still, it's hard to know what to say to someone who is struggling. So our experts offered up some well-meaning comments they wished they'd never heard -- and suggested some words they would have found more helpful.
 “You are so brave.” Cancer patients don’t want pity or to be labeled. They are the same people they always were. Let them know you are their friend and if they want to talk about the illness you are there to listen. And if they want to avoid the illness, you are there to talk about other things.
-- Renata K. Louwers
•  “Wow, you are looking so well; you can hardly tell you have cancer.” The real battles can lie behind the mask that the person wears, even after recovery – the ‘invisible’ challenges that are taking  place every day that may not visible, such as extreme fatigue, cognitive challenges and pain. Try this instead: Let them know you are always around for a chat, a coffee, or a walk especially when they are having a tough day or just want a change of scenery. This acknowledges that they may have challenges that aren't obvious.
-- Claire Snyman
• "I don't know how you do it."  My first husband endured metastatic bladder cancer that included significant pain and numerous hospitalizations. Most frustrating was when someone would marvel at what we faced. My response was, “What exactly are our options? We all deal each day with the life and circumstances in front of us.” I know it was a well-meaning comment but it was utterly unhelpful and a reminder of just how awful our life appeared to observers.
-- R.K.L.
• "It's good you can put that all behind you." When I run into people that I haven’t seen in a long time who hear of my cancer diagnosis ..... (there is) a distinctive look of surprise and curiosity followed by an exclamation of “How are you?!” When I respond, “I’m good now, it’s been four years of remission” I usually get, “Another year and you’ll be cured,” or, “It’s good you can put that all behind you now.”  I wish that were true—high grade soft tissue sarcoma cancer is only controllable, not curable. The risk of recurrence is lifetime and so there’s a lifetime of being scanned for tumors at regularly scheduled intervals.   It’s not worth my time to try to explain this, because inevitably the response involves the inspirational story of someone who had some other kind of cancer … and when I ask how this person is doing, the answer is: "Oh, he died!"
--Laurel Felsenfeld
•  “At least it’s not [fill in the name of some other disease].” This can feel insensitive to the person receiving it and demeans what they are going through. Cancer and tumors affect the lives of every person whose bodies they invade, no matter the type, form or degree of aggressiveness. Try this instead: "I can’t begin to understand how your condition is affecting your life. Would you mind telling me more about it so I can understand better?"
-- C.S.
• "God doesn't give you more than you can bear." Platitudes, niceties, etc. only serve to make the speaker feel less awkward, invariably making everything more awkward. There is only one thing you should ever say: "I will be here in any way you need me in any way I can, and every few days I'm going to ask if you need something specific, like a cleaning or a meal. Take me up on it or don't, but I'm not offering out of pity; I'm offering out of love."
-- Dan Duffy
•  “I know how you feel, I sometimes feel like that too.” The physical and emotional experiences accompanying any disease condition are unique to each individual; no one else can fully understand them. Try this instead:  "That sounds tough. Tell me about it and how I can help out." It can be hard for people to ask for help, but if you know more about their symptoms, you can get creative.
-- C.S.
• “You’re doing a really great job.” This is often said to caregivers. Caregivers don’t want praise; they want practical help. Ask about specific, routine tasks such as groceries, laundry, etc. and how you might be able to help. Offer up specific days and times when you could help. Don’t make the caregiver ask.
-- R.K.L.
• “My uncle’s second wife’s cousin had cancer and did this raw diet and she’s doing great!”: Give the patient and caregiver credit for being smart enough to decide upon a treatment plan. If they specifically ask your opinion, then offer it. Otherwise, keep your so-called cancer cures to yourself.
-- R.K.L.
 • Running away. ­­­­­­­­The worst of the worst was when a couple of my friends simply went away. One disappeared entirely and I have not spoken to him since. Another friend had the decency to call me when I was almost finished with my treatment. He told me he was sick with sorrow for not having the courage to face it like I did .... When you don't know what to say, talk about what you would have talked about before your friend or loved one got sick. Life doesn't stop.
-- D.D.
Dan Duffy was diagnosed with Stage 3 testicular cancer three months after meeting the woman who is now his wife, and the mother of their two boys. "I have dedicated myself to telling my own story, and helping people tell their stories, so that no one feels they have to go through cancer alone," writes Duffy, whose day job is video producing.
Laurel Felsenfeld is a registered nurse care manager empowering families overwhelmed by the care of aging, ill or injured loved ones to navigate the health care system and become effective advocates. She is certified as a case manager and holistic cancer care educator and uses her 30 years of professional experience and personal cancer journey to mentor others living with cancer. She can be reached at kickncancersass@gmail.com.
Renata Khoshroo Louwers is a writer and a bladder cancer patient advocate with the Bladder Cancer Advocacy Network and the Research Advocacy Network. She lives with her new husband, Tim Louwers, in Virginia’s Shenandoah Valley and San Francisco.
Claire Snyman is a writer who works as a volunteer in the brain tumor community and a speaker, most recently at the American Brain Tumor Association’s National Patient & Family conference. Twitter: @clairehsnyman


Sunday, December 18, 2016

Confused More Often Than I Would Like

I often find myself really confused about  cooking and eating. As some of you know, I did not come from good cooking genes-- My mother had a few standard meals and very few of them included vegetables..... unless one considers corn on the cob a vegetable along with iceberg lettuce and sliced tomatoes. Iris, my step mother, was not from the world of great cooks either.  The first time I saw fresh vegetables was in college-  In later years at college, I absolutely remember going out to visit Dr. Albert Friedman, our sociology professor. He lived on a farm in PA,which he commuted from to teach at Monmouth. I believed his farm was south of Doylestown because we visited the Mercer Museum with him that day.  I know Caren was with me and likely Maryann too. And he went outside to his garden and cut down some asparagus - came in, washed and steamed it and we ate immediately and I was astounded...... the yummiest vegetable I have ever eaten.

So yesterday I went to Produce Junction knowing I needed to get some food into the house. I purchased broccoli, brussels sprouts, yellow and red grape tomatoes, portabella mushrooms, some zucchini, and 3 avocados.  Oh yes- a bag of Romaine lettuce also-- all for less than 16 dollars. So today I had to cook right?!?!?! Started with vegetable soup with a broth and crushed tomatoes base. In went broccoli, zucchini, carrots, onion, mushrooms too - That made a lot so I froze a big container and packed up one to take to work and left a third in my refrigerator- but what about the Brussels sprouts--- so I found a recipe for that which included tomatoes, and cranberries and walnuts as I had both of them on hand.  I did eat this for dinner tonight and am taking some for work as well.

What I am getting to is that I cannot fiqure out the best way to eat- There are just too many choices....... Paleo- aka cave man diet- fruits, vegetables, nuts, lean meats - no dairy or starches or beans----- Vegetarians with dairy- Vegan without dairy -------Liquid supplements, meal replacements -------Jenny Craig, SlimFast --------Weight Watchers- counting points and calories.-------Atkins, South Beach-------Dash,------Mind------TLC------ Mayo Clinic-----Ornish-----Volumetrics-----Spark
It is overwhelming to fiqure out what to eat- not this but that.

There are few commons agreements though.
Fried foods always undesirable. So is sugary foods. Don't drink calories or any "diet" beverage. Stay away from salt.  Green Tea has healing cleansing properties. There is almost no "drive though" fast food that has healthy food to eat while driving your car. (See the acceptable exceptions- they all include some type of bread though- http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/recipes/healthy-eating/on-the-go/healthy-fast-foods/)  Water is best beverage- Teas are very good- Coffee in moderation and less Alcohol is good- none is best. Highly nutritious natural foods are best without chemicals, additives or sugar.   Complex carbohydrates containing fiber are far better than simple carbohydrates unless simple means natural fruit - then it is good and complex can be bad when it means flour products such as bread.... and some do not like beans, legumes etc- still being debated.  Fish and Poultry are better than Red meat but maybe no animal protein is best?  Healthy fats are highly desirable such as avocados, olives, seeds, nuts and natural nut butters, salmon, some other fish and coconut oil.  Eggs in moderation- avoid cheese. We need Folic Acid, Omega 3s, Vitamins A,B ( 1, 2, 3, 6, and 12) , C, D, E, K- Calcium, Iron, Zinc, Chromium.
Dairy is also debatable but nonfat products are no longer desirable either.
Yogurt has good properties as does tofu and other soy products and Almond milk is better than cows milk or milk products.... In fact we should leave the cows alone--- let them go out to pasture and forget about them all together..... let them die a natural death as they have no place in our lives- Noah made a mistake when he included cows on the Ark.


You got this????  I think I have not lost any weight yet because I am so confused and when I am tired on top of that I give up for a day or two. But today was a new day.  Thanks again for hearing me out about this.  Lots of love, Nancy











Saturday, December 17, 2016

Life Has Turned The Tide.

It is Saturday December 17 and I have been thinking about all the changes in the last year and so many anniversaries as well. With Uncle David passing away this month, that leaves only  Bobbie and Art of that generation and they really feel closer to Janet's generation than that of my parents. The truth is I do not even know how old they are-- they feel like they are in their 70's but could be in their 80s-- I just do not know. Their first grandchild left for college this year. There is no child of my generation under the age of 21.  Melissa is turning 22, Madison is 23 1/2 next month.  Almost all of Janet's kids and step kids are raising families of their own-- Cassie is well established  and independent now. Paul is a stepfather to a wonderful boy who consider Paul to be his father and has a lovely partner in Tracy and Aric has a great career. Life has turned the tide. My sisters and I are the older generation now for sure. All my college girl friends are now the age our parents were when we were in college.  20- 25- 30-35 years- sped by like lighting.
Last night I had pizza with Barry, Terri, Paul, Tracy, and Phoenix.   Charlie's Pizzeria on the Blvd has been there over 60 years and nothing has changed. If you go to their website you can see the old building which sits across from Whitaker avenue where Barry and Michael grew up. The sauce was outstanding and the pizza was different than traditional pie because of it- It had more sauce than cheese.     http://charlies-pizzeria.com  Terri and Barry are taking a vacation on a cruise ship next year- I am so excited for them both.

It was great to spend time with them. I regret not making more time to do it actually. I happened to be in Trevose for a work seminar on Ethics so I texted  my cousins to see if they were available.  Now that Uncle David has died, Barry has more freedom. Lucky for me the answer was YES.  I know I am old when I get to sit in the front sit while Tracy drove. Paul sat in the back with his son. I am now the Old Aunt. My car was back at Aunt Gertie's house which Barry is calling his house. Paul has the house he grew up in and this one will be Aric's house eventually, after Barry goes. The truth is I love my cousins very much and not sure why I don't make time to visit. I am so comfortable staying home and relaxing, doing not much of anything. I promise to make much more of an effort to spend time with others this coming year.







Friday, December 2, 2016

Working On My Body And Home

Here I sit, getting my carpets cleaned and new sofa delivered tomorrow- At least it will be new to me- it is about 2 years old and the owners have moved to North Carolina and do not want to move it down there. It will be the newest hand-me-down in terms of furniture that I have ever received. Bob gave me a sofa 5 years ago that was almost 20 years old when he moved to Texas. Everything from the first floor is in the garage except the really big heavy pieces of furniture.

Madison sort of moved out- I think she has as much stuff here in my house, (her former residence), as she does in her new home with Brian. I am enjoying being her storage unit.  ha ha. I have been going to the gym but not loosing weight yet.  In fact, on Wednesday of this week I came home from work certain that I was getting sick, my whole body hurt, I had a headache, I was tired and very achy. I took some cold medicine before going to bed which had some Tylenol in it and when I woke up, I felt OK-- as the day went on on Thursday I realized that I had been to the gym on Tuesday and must have over done it as my flu like symptoms were body aches- were likely really being sore from working out. My trainer there is having me do exercises that include my abs which I have never done before in all my thinner years and so I was really hurting but good on Wednesday and could not put two and two together until yesterday. Very amusing don't you think.

I have seen my Chemo doctor, Dr. Gor and she was pleased with my health and the result of my Mammogram. She was also impressed by how my skin looked on my left breast- many women end up on wrinkled and shrivels- like the outside of an orange , from Radiation, but I am still smooth and very little discoloration.  I will see her again in April and she gave me ok to get Shingles vaccine which my PCP wanted to make sure before I received it. I learned that my life insurance policy will end this spring and i really will not be able to renew it financially as it goes up every year no matter what by BIG increments so I am taking Maryann's advice and putting the premium in a saving account for Madison instead- there should be enough money to bury me or at least get rid of my body as I would like to donate organs that are useable and the rest can be a cadaver for medical schools.  As you all know, I am not very attached to my body- we have had a stressful relationship for many years now.  Ha ha ha  BUT thanks goodness I have one. Don't know what I would do without her!!! Got to run now, will talk more later. Love to you all