I could learn to hate chemotherapy, besides I still have hairy legs.

I could learn to hate chemotherapy, besides I still have hairy legs.  What is up with that? I was counting on having smooth legs without shaving because I gave up shaving several years ago. I got lots of random hairs on my head too and still have my eyebrows which is quite lovely.

It is going to be hard walking into chemo on Friday. It is like asking to be made sick.  Not really what I had in mind. I learned something. I do not know when I am really sick. It would have been good of me to call the doctor when I felt so lousy. Even though I knew I was seeing her on Friday-  I was prepared for pain and when I did not get it but got horribly sick with chest and head cold, frequent diarrhea, weakness, I did not recognize that I was going downhill from the chemotherapy hard and fast. Like what the heck is the matter with me, I do not know when I need to call a doctor and report my symptoms, I think oh well, this is what's suppose to happen and I am meant to suffer. What a wake up call. No wonder I did not catch my depression. I had no idea I needed help until I was really really sick then too. I just take it in stride -like it will go away all on its own until the alarms are loud and violent that is.  Asking ot be poisoned is a new experience. I once took a illegal substance by mistake in college and got violently sick. I thought I could have died. Caren stayed with me until we knew I was going to be alright. Scared the crap out of me (maybe even both of us). I have kind of stayed away from drugs that can make me sick ever since. And chemo is not fun even a little bit and I have to voluntarily go in there and let them hook me up to it. And sit there willingly. Gosh - can't believe kids have to do this. There is my blessing- I am not a child and this is NOT happening to my child.

I am not strong, I am not brave, I am not special, I am not a fighter, I am just a woman with breast cancer who trusts medical science to fix this problem the only way they know how. I surrender.

The antibiotic seems to be working

Sunday afternoon and I am feeling a little bit better-

Less coughing, no more diarrhea or cramping. I might be able to talk tomorrow at work as my voice is a little bit stronger and less scratchy. And I got caught up with  almost all my paperwork. (Thank You Emie) Ordered a new Ezpass for new car- Made payment schedule for new car- Balanced check book. Took 2015 papers out of folders to make room for 2016 papers.  Started adding expenses of 2015 for doing taxes later this month,  Have new folders for oncology, surgeon and family leave papers from work for Cancer. You know- only I have a folder called "Traffic Violations"- It has my receipt for my last traffic infraction in Lawnside NJ and my defensive driving course completion paperwork that Madison and I both did for insurance discounts.

Interestingly enough, My doctor was going to order one kind of antibiotic for me and then decided that would not be the best type so she sent in a different one and the pharmacy gave me both anyway. For those who know me really well, I was too sick to even be excited about getting 2 kinds of antibiotics at once. I knew I felt lousy but I did realize how lousy until now as I am starting to feel better.  I carry with me a "Camp Harlam" small tote bag that belonged to Madison to carry all my medications with me at once as I never know what I will need and when. They travel with me back and forth to work and upstairs at night and back down in the morning.

And I understand Dr. Gor a little bit better.  She is really managing all my side effects while killing the cancer cells. She is doing an analysis of this and that - looking into my mouth. Getting details of my side effects, Blood results, Weight loss or gain, sleeping, fatigue etc.... Telling how to stay healthy and reduce my risk of further infection. Watch my temperature. She is working getting me well enough to keep me on track for my next treatment. Get me well before making me sick with chemotherapy. She now refers to me as "the one with the cruise".  I was so sick, I did not even push her on sending an email about getting out my port the Monday after my last chemo because I understood that everything is up in the air until I am well enough and strong enough to get sick all over again. Last time, she gave me new medication to reduce my experience with nausea and allergies. She told me not to take any OTC pain medicine for headaches etc while I have this condition too. And now I am using a different rescue medication for nausea since I have neutropenia.  All this was mentioned in a fire rapid pace which I was able to catch- I deliberately chose to stay focused on her every word.

I am getting tired and nausea so I am going to end but just wanted to mentioned that my summer swim style caps all came and they are just beautiful from a new website I found that is heads above the rest I saw.   I can wear them to dinner and on all of our excursions or at the beach.

http://www.curediva.com/   Stunning fashionable hats and cancer accessories.

I hope you all like the new blog- Selene did a great job of setting it up for me. Talk more soon.   http://wiserthroughcancer.blogspot.com/

More work created by chemo -It is more than it appears- to be on the surface-

OH MY GOODNESS- I have been sick all week with diarrhea and and a cold started bad Wednesday evening- It is  more than it appears-

Germs are now a problem and I always prided myself on being able to tolerate germs- so my diarrhea and chest cold ain't what I thought -- I need to avoid getting infection and I kind of already have one so I am taking an antibiotic-  No sores in my mouth! using Imodium now too - Been keeping my hands covered in lotion and ointments but now it is even more important that I do not allow them to crack open. 

Took a shower and washed really good- all the  blankets that I been suing have been washed also today. I hate Purel though and all that anti bacteria crap- will keep washing with hot water and mild soap 

Neutropenia (Low White Blood Cell Count)

This information explains how to avoid getting an infection while you have neutropenia (low white blood cell count), and how to recognize the signs of infection.   Neutrophils are a type of white blood cell. They help your body fight infection. When your neutrophil count is low, you’re at risk for infection. To prevent infection, you must follow the instructions below until your neutrophil count returns to normal. Watch for any signs of infection and report them to your doctor or nurse. Be sure to take your temperature orally (by mouth), as directed by your doctor or nurse. Call your doctor or nurse if it is 100.4° F (38° C) or higher.

General Hygiene 

• Shower or bathe daily. Wash carefully under your arms, in your anal and genital areas, and in skin folds.
• Wash your hands using soap that can kill germs. Look for the words “antibacterial” or “antimicrobial.” Dial® is one example, but there are many others. Wet your hands with warm water and then rub your hands with soap for at least 15 to 20 seconds. Rinse your hands well under warm running water. Dry your hands with a paper towel.
• Perform mouth care after each meal. Use an ultra-soft toothbrush and brush and rinse as directed by your doctor or nurse.

• Use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer (such as Purell®) after shaking hands and after contact with young children.                                                                         

Ways to Prevent Infection
• Avoid having visitors to your home who have a cold or recently had an infection.
• Wear a mask if you have to go out in public places, use public transportation, or are in crowded areas.
• This will help protect you from catching a cold or other respiratory infection.
• Do not have any dental work or procedure done that is not urgent. Speak with your doctor or nurse first.
• Ask your doctor or nurse if you can:
  • Use tampons
  • Use suppositories
  • Have enemas
• Do not eat raw meats, raw fish, or raw eggs. Ask your nurse or dietitian for the resource Low Microbial Diet, if you have not already received it.
• Do not share eating or drinking utensils.
• Do not get a manicure, pedicure, wax, or tattoo without the approval of your doctor or nurse.
• Do not shave your scalp. Try to avoid shaving any other part of your body. If you must shave, use an electric razor.
• Do not touch any animal waste products (i.e., litter boxes, fish tanks, pet cages).
• Do not garden or handle soil. Avoid flowers, live plants-                                                  Call Your Doctor or Nurse if You Have Any of the Following Signs of Infection:

• A temperature of 100.4° F (38° C) or higher
• Shaking chills
• Nausea and vomiting that is not getting any better
• Flushed face
• Sweats
• Cough
• Diarrhea
• Mouth sores
• Headache
• New onset of pain
• Irritability
• Pain or burning during urination
• Feeling tired, especially if you also have flu-like symptoms

TGIF

I am so Happy it is Friday - you have no idea- I will talk to Liz today at work about making my schedule lighter after my next chemo-  I do not like being do drained -

Today is going to be a great day though. David Libon is coming in to meet with the MAP team and  Dr. Chopra  and Dr. Forsberg- I am so excited for this new professional adventure.  I learned so much from him before and we work great together. I will also enjoy the interplay between him and Dr. White. A  BIG thank you goes to Dr. DiGregorio, Dr. White is no longer "green".  She was realy able to mentor him.  There aint nothing like having mutual respect for your professional colleagues  on the same team. We are dedicated to making a difference- Thank goodness I do not need to worry about "my numbers" . When you are under paid- your numbers just do not matter. Ha ha.

Still have congestion and upset stomach. But Ruben is coming to clean today which also makes me happy. Emie will help me with paperwork too and clean out refrigerator. and then I will do nothing all weekend. Wow - that sounds so good- Well- when I say nothing I mean- I will sit with my  kitties and watch birds fed- and visit with my family.  OMG- Selene is coming too- and she got the blog ready for me. That is making me so happy!  

More people have learned that I am getting chemotherapy as my clients and  co-workers. Many have felt bad for me and expressed concern-- Trust me- as bad as I have been feeling and I do not like this chemo crap, I know that  LIFE IS GOOD-  I am loved and I can give love and I have my soul and my brain is working and my bills can be paid and I have a warm home and enough money to provide for me and my family. I am deeply blessed. I will not die from cancer any time soon. And when I do die- it will be okay. I have had a wonderful life and learned so much. and always tried to asssit others in any way that I can. I think God is happy with me.

shower time !

today

I figured out why I feel so lousy beside having an upset stomach is that I also have a bad head and chest cold. I will see the doctor tomorrow and see if I can take some Bactrim
to clean out  my sinus- I have a terrible headache this morning and am coughing too. At 1:45 tomorrow I go in for another toxicity check since my cocktail has changed.

So today will be somewhat of a challenge as I get ready for work. Maybe I will feel better after a hot shower. And loosen up my congestion.  

Why I could not let maureen shave my head- I am a Jew

I could not initially fiqure out my resistance to letting her shave my head and get rid of all the hair completely. Did I think I was better than all the other cancer patients who do this? Was I being vain? I could not understand it at first but little by little it came to me about the rituals performed as women arrived at concentration camps. I could not let my head be shaved. I am not dying. I am not a prisoner. I am a free American Jewish woman who is being treated for breast cancer.

Upon arrival, Jews were forced to shave their heads clean of hair, this was later used for mattresses, boots, socks, and other clothing. To facilitate easy recognition of any escapees from the camps. They also cut off their hair to humiliate them.

"Mr Blatt only survived Sobibor because he was selected as a so-called "work-Jew". Instead of being murdered upon arrival, he was chosen to shave the heads of women in a barrack room before they were dispatched to the gas chambers next door. The women's hair would ultimately be sent to Germany and turned into blankets for U-Boat crews."

It is Monday January 25, 2016 after our first Blizzard of the Season

This treatment was not too bad- No pain and very little nauseousness. Must be somewhat related to new  drug doctor gave me to take the following 3 days after treatment. Which is mentioned below.  Nancy's energy psychic healing could also still be working.

After getting house in order and eating well and sleeping and  doing body care. Weekend was uneventful. Watched movies and looked up stuff for cruise on ipad.  Lots of help with shoveling thanks to Madison, Brian and Janet.  I got to feed all the birds and sit by the window with my kitties watching them feast. Now getting ready to go to work. Took a little nap before my shower. 

Looking forward to next weekend as many of the extended family that could not come this weekend should be coming for a visit next weekend. Did make sure all my credit cards are paid. Most everything else is automatic debt. Still need to go through all the paper accumulated on my desk though. Maybe tonight. Also need to fix a few broken things in the house. 

so all is well with me. hope all of you made out well also.

Talk more soon. 

Lots of love,

Nancy

Dexamethasone

What this drug is used for:

• As an anti-inflammatory medication.  Dexamethasone relieves inflammation in various parts of the body.  It is used specifically to decrease swelling (edema), associated with tumors of the spine and brain, and to treat eye inflammation.
• To treat or prevent allergic reactions.
• As treatment of certain kinds of autoimmune diseases, skin conditions, asthma and other lung conditions.
• As treatment for a variety of cancers, such as leukemia, lymphoma, and multiple myeloma.  
• To treat nausea and vomiting associated with some chemotherapy drugs.
• Used to stimulate appetite in cancer patients with severe appetite problems. 
• Also used to replace steroids in conditions of adrenal insufficiency (low production of needed steroids produced by the adrenal glands).

Note:  If a drug has been approved for one use, physicians sometimes elect to use this same drug for other problems if they believe it might be helpful.
How this drug is given:

• This medication may be given to you in many forms. In a pill form, it is available in a variety of tablet sizes.  If you are on a daily dose of dexamethasone (usually less than 10 mg), and you miss a dose, take the dose as soon as you remember. If you are on high doses of dexamethasone (20 mg or 40 mg per day for 4 days out of the month), and you miss your dose, contact your healthcare provider. You may be instructed to repeat the missed dose, and continue the medication.
• Take pills with food or after meals
• This medication may also be given by infusion into a vein (intravenously or IV)
• Dexamethasone eye drops are given to treat or prevent many eye conditions. The eye drops are most commonly given to patients with leukemia or lymphoma, to prevent inflammation of the eyes (conjunctivitis), if you are receiving high dose chemotherapy (usually Cytarabine [Ara-C]). The eye drops are given every six hours, in both eyes, and for at least 48 hours after the chemotherapy has completed.  Do not stop taking these eye drops unless directed by your healthcare provider. 
• You may be given dexamethasone as a lotion (topical) to treat skin disorders. 
• The amount of dexamethasone you will receive depends on many factors, including your general health or other health problems, and the reason you are receiving this drug.  Your doctor will determine your dosage and schedule.