Chemotherapy Has Made Me Become a Bitch

I was not created to be the most patient person in the universe- It is something I decided to work on in the last 20 years or so when I decided I wanted to be a much more loving person. I learned that being rude especially to innocent people was far from kind and loving. However, Chemotherapy has made me so irritable and short tempered (except with Madison) I cannot hardly stand myself at times. I think it is the constant indigestion, burping, stomach pain and cramping that has me whirling with a desire to attack anything and everything in my way.

I found out that I had 3 overdraft fees today and I had put in a boat load of cash on the same day when a overdraft fee was charged against me. When I called my bank, I said I wanted it fixed and corrected and I did not want to hear their explanations- I said just fix it and if you don't have the authority to do it,  go find the person who does. Which she did. All 3 charges were removed. 

Although, I had been completely in the wrong, (I have been banking with TD for over 20 years now ) and never before had an overdraft fee, I wanted to be treated special.  Keeping up with finances while getting treatment has been my complete downfall. I did say that and added that I am getting chemotherapy. Although the bank was in their right to charge me, they reversed all fees while I was being demanding and quite bitchy. I am pleased with the outcome but not pleased with becoming so bitchy.

I am just so sick all the time and trying to function like a normal person. Everything is such an effort. Getting a shower- getting dressed, running to the bathroom, making phone calls, writing notes, learning new procedures at work. All of it takes so much more of an effort. I am so tired of being sick. I resent that I cannot perform to my prior level of performance without so much effort and concentration. My co-workers are so lovely. They see me struggle day in and day out. They see it plainly right on my face. But the higher ups have been oblivious to my struggles and how drained I am each and every day that I go to work. Holding back tears, being responsive to those who need me, giving reassurance to patients /clients when they notice I have no hair, I tell them "it is only a little bit of breast cancer, nothing for you to be worried about- I will be fine and am doing well". Taking rescue medications for upset stomach and diarrhea on a daily basis, dealing with sores in my mouth and nose and a constant foul taste across my tongue that hardly anything I drink has a decent taste to it. I am so angry with those who have not noticed what I have been going through these many many weeks. I am really not a complainer. But I have good cause to complain if I wanted to. So I am a bitch instead. 

Nancy M. Alterman