Friday, February 26, 2016

Chemotherapy Has Made Me Become a Bitch

I was not created to be the most patient person in the universe- It is something I decided to work on in the last 20 years or so when I decided I wanted to be a much more loving person. I learned that being rude especially to innocent people was far from kind and loving. However, Chemotherapy has made me so irritable and short tempered (except with Madison) I cannot hardly stand myself at times. I think it is the constant indigestion, burping, stomach pain and cramping that has me whirling with a desire to attack anything and everything in my way.

I found out that I had 3 overdraft fees today and I had put in a boat load of cash on the same day when a overdraft fee was charged against me. When I called my bank, I said I wanted it fixed and corrected and I did not want to hear their explanations- I said just fix it and if you don't have the authority to do it,  go find the person who does. Which she did. All 3 charges were removed. 

Although, I had been completely in the wrong, (I have been banking with TD for over 20 years now ) and never before had an overdraft fee, I wanted to be treated special.  Keeping up with finances while getting treatment has been my complete downfall. I did say that and added that I am getting chemotherapy. Although the bank was in their right to charge me, they reversed all fees while I was being demanding and quite bitchy. I am pleased with the outcome but not pleased with becoming so bitchy.

I am just so sick all the time and trying to function like a normal person. Everything is such an effort. Getting a shower- getting dressed, running to the bathroom, making phone calls, writing notes, learning new procedures at work. All of it takes so much more of an effort. I am so tired of being sick. I resent that I cannot perform to my prior level of performance without so much effort and concentration. My co-workers are so lovely. They see me struggle day in and day out. They see it plainly right on my face. But the higher ups have been oblivious to my struggles and how drained I am each and every day that I go to work. Holding back tears, being responsive to those who need me, giving reassurance to patients /clients when they notice I have no hair, I tell them "it is only a little bit of breast cancer, nothing for you to be worried about- I will be fine and am doing well". Taking rescue medications for upset stomach and diarrhea on a daily basis, dealing with sores in my mouth and nose and a constant foul taste across my tongue that hardly anything I drink has a decent taste to it. I am so angry with those who have not noticed what I have been going through these many many weeks. I am really not a complainer. But I have good cause to complain if I wanted to. So I am a bitch instead. 



Nancy M. Alterman

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Even the educated among us are ignorant.

I had a lumpectomy followed by 4 rounds of chemotherapy and I will also have 5 to 6 weeks of radiation on my left breast and people are still wondering if I am going to have my breast removed. The answer is simple- It is NOT necessary. I do not need to lose my breast especially with the type of breast cancer I have which is Estrogen positive. It is easier to control than estrogen negative. 

I do not really understand how come people that are otherwise well informed are still expecting me to have my breast off. The survival rate is not even better in my situation. Is it the media? What makes people be so uncertain of the correct treatment and how many options are available today for women? I do not know. I do know I am keeping both of my breasts. I will be closely monitored for the rest of my life for any reoccurrence which is unlikely given my treatment of chemotherapy and radiation following the lumpectomy. BELOW you can read how successful my treatment is and I am in good shape for living another 20 years. 

I also want to take this opportunity to say that my breasts are not "GIRLS" or TATAs". They are a valuable part of my body like any other part of my body. I do not like them to referred to as a separate object and I actually resent that men can be fixated on them for their own pleasure. I would be pleased if no man ever grabs them again for his own satisfaction. My skin and body is a source of pleasure for me with the right kind of touch. Nothing about my body is a toy. Unfortunately, I have had too many disrespectful experiences with some men who have little impulse control and poor standards for healthy sexual interaction. I have heard way too many comments over the years about the size and shape of my breasts, whether or not they were once perky, how old was I when I got them  etc... and I am fed up with all that disrespect. My breasts are not here for men to comment on anymore. And I will be successfully treated for Breast Cancer while keeping both of my breasts. 
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Most postmenopausal women with small breast tumors don’t need chemotherapy to reduce their recurrence risk after lumpectomy.
To try to determine who does, a test that measures a tumor’s aggressiveness based on its DNA will be tested nationally in more than 10,000 of these women.
“The dilemma physicians have with these patients is, because they have such small tumors, it’s hard to tell who needs chemotherapy,” said Dr. Thomas A. Samuel, Medical College of Georgia hematologist/oncologist specializing in breast cancer and a study principal investigator.
If you take 100 postmenopausal women with a small tumor that has estrogen receptors – most do – and no sign the disease has spread to the lymph nodes, probably 12 to 15 of the women need chemotherapy to reduce recurrence, Dr. Samuel says.
To save those patients’ lives, all 100 have to be treated with chemotherapy, because no definitive test indicates who really needs it, says Dr. Samuel. Yet the vast majority will do well with lumpectomy, radiation and hormone therapy that keeps cells from being refueled by estrogen.
Although chemotherapy is a powerful tool, he’s seen many patients struggle with notorious side effects such as hair loss, nausea, vomiting and increased risk for leukemia and heart problems. Some patients even opt to stop treatment. “I know that a number of these patients probably don’t need it but there is no way for me to know who they are ahead of time. I think this trial will help us find who should get it and who should not.”
“The Oncotype DX™ looks at the DNA of  the breast cancer cells and tells us if this cancer is more likely to spread or grow,” says Dr. Samuel of the commercially-available test that looks at 16 tumor genes and uses five reference genes as controls. “How cancers behave largely depends on what the DNA is like.”
Although it’s been on the market more than a year, the test is not widely used, possibly because its efficacy was studied in a relatively small number of women and it costs several thousand dollars, says Dr. Samuel, who used the test only twice before the study.
If the federally funded study of thousands of women over the next five-plus years backs up smaller studies, the test likely will become part of the standard of care for this group of women, he says.
The Trial Assigning Individualized Options for Treatment, or TAILORx trial,  coordinated by the Eastern Oncology Group, is the first study resulting from the National Cancer Institute’s Program for the Assessment of Clinical Cancer Tests.
Enrollees with the lowest recurrence scores will have radiation therapy and hormonal treatment following lumpectomy. Those with the highest will also get chemotherapy. “The debate is in the intermediate risk group. That is where most women fall and the ones where we are not really sure what to do,” Dr. Samuel says. That majority of patients will be randomized to either get chemotherapy or not.
Dr. Samuel hopes to enroll about two patients per month; the trial likely will be open several years depending on how long it takes to get a total of 10,000 nationally. Participants will be followed for at least five years.
He notes the highest risk for recurrence is within two years after diagnosis. While the risk never goes away, it is very low after the five-year mark.
Breast cancer is most common in postmenopausal women and chemotherapy, tends to cause even more problems in older women, Dr. Samuel notes.
In fact, in this group of patients hormonal therapy is probably better tolerated and more efficacious, he says. Any patient who has a lumpectomy needs radiation therapy on remaining breast tissue.  “We add chemotherapy if the tumor is big enough and we think the risk is high enough that the cancer may come back,” says Dr. Samuel. Chemotherapy must precede radiation therapy because it worsens the toxicity related to radiation. When patients get both, the treatment course can last eight to nine months.  “If we can better determine who needs chemotherapy, we can shorten that time significantly,” Dr. Samuel says. Hormonal therapy comes last and can exceed five years.
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Lumpectomy followed by radiation therapy is generally considered to be as good as mastectomy for women diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer with an average risk of the cancer coming back (recurrence). Earlier research has shown that recurrence risk is about the same with either type of surgery.
A study suggests that in the real world, women diagnosed with stage I or stage II breast cancer who have lumpectomy followed by radiation have better survival rates than women who have mastectomy.
The study was published online on Jan. 28, 2013 by the journal Cancer. Read the abstract of “Survival after lumpectomy and mastectomy for early stage invasive breast cancer."
The researchers looked at the results of more than 112,150 California women diagnosed with stage I or stage II breast cancer between 1990 and 2004 who were treated with either lumpectomy plus radiation (55% of the women) or mastectomy (45% of the women). The women were followed through 2009.
The researchers compared overall survival rates and disease-specific survival rates between the two groups of women. Overall survival is how long the women lived, no matter what they died from. Disease-specific survival is how long the women lived before they died from breast cancer.
Overall survival was 19% higher for women who had lumpectomy plus radiation compared to women who had mastectomy. This suggested benefit wasn’t affected by the women’s age or the hormone-receptor-status of the breast cancer.
For women who had lumpectomy plus radiation compared to women who had mastectomy, disease-specific survival was:
  • 14% better in women who were 50 and older and diagnosed with hormone-receptor-positive disease
  • 7% better in women 50 and older and diagnosed with hormone-receptor-negative disease
  • 12% better in women who were younger than 50 and diagnosed with hormone receptor-negative disease
  • 6% better in women younger than 50 and diagnosed with hormone-receptor-positive disease
It’s not clear why women who had lumpectomy plus radiation had better survival rates than women who had mastectomy.
This study was a population-based study, which means the researchers used information that was collected before the study was planned. It also means that the women weren’t randomly assigned to get either lumpectomy plus radiation or mastectomy. So the women who got mastectomy may have had other health problems that may have affected the type of surgery they had. These other health conditions also may have affected their survival. Population-based studies aren’t considered as good as randomized clinical studies.
This study also didn’t look at:
  • the type of health insurance the women had (if any)
  • the distance to the nearest radiation treatment center
  • how many reconstruction surgeons were available to each woman
  • HER2 status of the cancer
  • whether the women had earlier radiation to the chest wall
  • the aggressiveness of the cancer
  • other health conditions (diabetes, circulatory problems, or a bleeding disorder, for example)
All of which are known to affect the lumpectomy vs. mastectomy decision-making process.
If you’ve been diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer, you and your doctor will talk about a surgical approach that makes the most sense for you and your unique situation. You will take into account a number of factors, including:
  • your preferences
  • any other health problems you have
  • ALL the characteristics of the cancer
  • how close you are to treatment facilities
Whichever surgery you choose – lumpectomy plus radiation or mastectomy – know that much research has shown that both are equally effective in removing early-stage breast cancer and reducing the risk of it coming back.
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Study: Chemotherapy Effective Before or After Lumpectomy


A new study finds that long-term outcomes after breast-conserving surgery are the same, regardless of whether chemotherapy is given before or after surgery. Instead, the study suggests that biological factors have a greater impact than the time of chemotherapy. Breast-conserving surgery (also called lumpectomy) with chemotherapy may be a viable option for women with stage 2 or 3 breast cancers rather than mastectomy, according to the study.The study included surveying almost 3,000 women treated for breast cancer at MD Anderson from 1987 to 2005. Seventy-eight percent of the women surveyed had surgery before chemotherapy and 22 percent received chemotherapy first. According to MD Anderson, 5 and 10-year outcomes were excellent for both groups. Of those who had surgery before chemotherapy, 97 percent were disease free without a cancer recurrence after 5 years, and 94 percent after ten years. For those who had chemotherapy before surgery, the disease-free, recurrence free survival rates were 93 percent after 5 years and 90 percent after 10 years. Chemotherapy resulted also resulted in 20 percent cancer-free cases and lowered cancer stage in almost half of patients who had Stage 2 or 3 cancer before chemotherapy, which the researchers say suggests that lumpectomy with chemotherapy may be an effective option for many women. “Even women who present with clinical Stage 2 or 3 breast cancer may have good results with breast-conserving surgery after chemotherapy and not need a mastectomy,” said Elizabeth Ann Mittendorf, M.D., assistant professor in the Department of Surgical Oncology and lead author of the study, in the center’s news release. “The molecular characteristics of the tumor and other factors have an impact on treatment success, but not the order in which chemotherapy and surgery are given.”“Since 2005, treatment techniques have improved, including the ability to add targeted therapies to chemotherapy,” she said. “In the future we will look at the effects of newer agents, and we anticipate the results will be even more favorable for women who received these treatments before surgery.”The results of the study were presented at the 2011 Breast Cancer Symposium.Additional Resources and References• The September 8, 2011 MD Anderson news release, “Chemotherapy is as Effective Before Breast Cancer Surgery as After,” was published athttp://www.mdanderson.org/

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Meet The Parents

I am getting ready to met Madison's fabulous boy friend Brian Wilson's Parents- Laurie and Bill. We saw each other briefly about 1  1/2 ago when our children were just graduating from Temple University not knowing what the future would bring. Well, things do change, but it looks like the future brought a solid loving relationship to Madison and Brian. And since both are traveling with me next month on my 60th birthday cruise, I thought it was quite fitting to formally meet them. So Karla's Restaurant in New hope is the place for Brunch (My Favorite Meal) today. 

I did a lot yesterday- much more than I planned but it just fell that way- I topped it off with a long warm bath around midnight. I ended up shopping at Boscov's and purchased many articles of clothing for the lower half of my body for $1.99 each!!! Could not resist. Will wear some on Cruise but will have it all spring and summer- these were last year's spring and summer stock. Lucky me! 

I am sure I will need a nap later today. Taking the Solara convertible out for the day since it is another gorgeous warm day in February. Stopping to get my nails done too. I am slowly learning that what feels like indigestion for me is really nauseousness.  I am a little weak today and need to get better hydrated. My Life is So Good! Can't imagine that all this crap won't work to give me another good 10 years. I am getting genetic testing on April 8, 2016. The questions over the phone were simple and straightforward. Do you have cancer? YES. Did any first degree relative have or die from Cancer? YES. OKAY- you are in.

I sure could have done without membership in this club!

Friday, February 19, 2016

Let's Get This Show On The Road!

Woke up early this Friday, February 19, 2016. Feeling Excited rather than Dread. Excited for my last chemotherapy. All the more closer to getting my Port out on Monday. Then my body belongs to me again. Not some awful science experiment.  I get to use my body doing things I like. Like snorkeling, yoga, walking, swimming.... I am so glad I have been able to continue to do lots of research and problem solving while in this treatment process. 

Planning for my trip has been a very good thing. I have been enjoying researching best tours, best beaches, places to shop and eat. When to rent scooters, when to use a taxi. I really feel like I am having a trip of a lifetime, visiting 8 different Caribbean islands. Some with mountains. some flat, most with rich and diverse cultural history. All surrounded by turquoise seas and oceans. I decided to go to AAA and get maps and tour books on each country that I am going to visit. I am having trouble with Martinique, finding English speaking tour operators on line. I hope Madison's French will get us something at the Cruise Center when we get off the ship. Would love a little sail boat ride around the island. Planning on bringing binoculars to see Humpback Whales migrating off GrandTurk. They are there from January to mid March and we arrive March 16.  I will go up on deck early that morning and watch us come into port to see if I see them as we approach the island. A beach blanket, 3 thin beach towels, sunscreen, hats...... discovered that Grand Turk has colorful stamps so I will make sure I buy a sheet or two while there in honor of my Dad who collected all kinds of stamps. Maybe my great nephews would like to have them and I will bring home some foreign money too.  

I am expecting to be sick for about 10 days. The first few immediately following this treatment won't be too bad as I have medication for then. By Wednesday and Thursday of next week, I will start to feel weak and sick and a week later, I should be okay again and can start cleaning up and laying out stuff I need for the trip. You know, I like the planning as much as I like the doing. And I am not so sure how come except maybe it is the learning about what is there than increases my excitement. I do remember that I need to still stay flexible as things happen and not everything will fall into place all the time. 

I intend to still blog while I am away about any relevant or interesting experience I have while I am away. When I get back, I will start again with a new doctor for radiation therapy. So the blog will go on. Thanks everyone for all your listening.  Lots of love, Nancy

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Sad on Bernice Alterman's 46 th Yahrzeit Anniversary

Sunday evening and all though the house is quiet. Me and my 2 kitties are hanging out- been sleeping on and off since around 4 pm. Been feeling sick on and off too. Sleep is a wonderful thing. Which is another reason why breast cancer beats clinical depression. When I was depressed I was awake half the night especially the wee hours of the morning. I was so tense and in a state of alert that I could not let go and just sleep.  

Let me update you on the Cherry HiIl Basketball team efforts for Breast Cancer.  I know that they raised at least $500 to donate to Cancer Cure of New Jersey- I am so pleased to have found such a patient oriented program here in the Great State of New Jersey. I am so proud of the team for doing such a good job with their "Balling for a Cure" campaign. Thank you  Zoe and Linda for thinking of me and inviting me to support your cause. 


Went looking for my Mother's medical records that I had gotten from University of PA when I first returned to New Jersey back in the 1996.  When I found the papers today, I did some deeper review of my own mother's Cancer diagnosis. - It seems she never had a chance back in 1968. A non-cancer breast condition was not discovered until the August before she died; which was the same condition as mine in my right breast.  Mine was further back and bigger (multiple) Hers was found with a discharge from her right nipple and more local. She had a lumpectomy too. I had a lumpectomy on each of my breast- one for Cancer on my Left and one for the papilloma on my Right. ( I am matchy matchy) Her doctors were kind of on a wild goose chase with her. Looking into orthopedic pain, Gall bladder issues before discovering her CANCERS! She definitely had an aggressive form of cancer; whether it started in one of her GI organs and then metastasized to her lung and breast, the doctors were not certain. Her whole cavity was filled with tumors by the time she finally was diagnosed a little more than a month before her death.  She actually was given a small dose of chemotherapy too which resulted in neutropenia ( low white cell count) and then discontinued. Her physicians were also non-chalant about her smoking. As if it was not too relevant. 


I miss and love you Mom. Bernice Alterman; January 9, 1927 to  February 23, 1969 



Nancy's Cancer in her left breast is:    Invasive lobular carcinoma (ILC), sometimes called infiltrating lobular carcinoma, is the second most common type of breast cancer after invasive ductal carcinoma (cancer that begins in the milk-carrying ducts and spreads beyond it). According to the American Cancer Society, more than 180,000 women in the United States find out they have invasive breast cancer each year. About 10% of all invasive breast cancers are invasive lobular carcinomas. (About 80% are invasive ductal carcinomas.)
Invasive means that the cancer has “invaded” or spread to the surrounding breast tissues. Lobular means that the cancer began in the milk-producing lobules, which empty out into the ducts that carry milk to the nipple. Carcinomarefers to any cancer that begins in the skin or other tissues that cover internal organs — such as breast tissue. All together, “invasive lobular carcinoma” refers to cancer that has broken through the wall of the lobule and begun to invade the tissues of the breast. Over time, invasive lobular carcinoma can spread to the lymph nodes and possibly to other areas of the body.
Although invasive lobular carcinoma can affect women at any age, it is more common as women grow older. According to the American Cancer Society, about two-thirds of women are 55 or older when they are diagnosed with an invasive breast cancer. ILC tends to occur later in life than invasive ductal carcinoma — the early 60s as opposed to the mid- to late 50s.
Some research has suggested that the use of hormone replacement therapy during and after menopause can increase the risk of ILC.
Benign non Cancer breast condition that was in my right breast which was present for my own mother: 

Intraductal papillomas are benign (non-cancer) tumors that grow within the breast ducts. They are wart-like growths of gland tissue along with fibrous tissue and blood vessels (called fibrovascular tissue).
Solitary papillomas or solitary intraductal papillomas are single tumors that often grow in the large milk ducts near the nipple. They are a common cause of clear or bloody nipple discharge, especially when it comes from only one breast. They may be felt as a small lump behind or next to the nipple. They do not raise breast cancer risk unless there are other changes, such as atypical hyperplasia (see the “Hyperplasia” section).
Papillomas may also be found in small ducts in areas of the breast farther from the nipple. In this case there are often several growths (multiple papillomas). These tumors are less likely to cause nipple discharge.
Papillomatosis is a type of hyperplasia in which there are very small areas of cell growth within the ducts, but they are not as distinct as papillomas are.  Diagnosis  Ductograms are sometimes helpful in finding papillomas. If the papilloma is large enough to be felt, a biopsy can be done (where tissue is removed to look at under the microscope).   Treatment  The usual treatment is to remove the papilloma and the part of the duct it’s found in.  Link to cancer risk  Having multiple papillomas is linked to an increased risk of breast cancer, but having a single papilloma is not.    Papillomatosis is also linked to a slightly increased risk of breast cancer.

Providing all women with cancer support and information to better cope 

Face-to-Face Support Groups in New Jersey

For Patients

  • Breast Cancer Support Group
    This face-to-face support group is for women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer (in active treatment or post-treatment). Groups take place on the 3rd Tuesday of each month, from 6:00 p.m. – 7:30 p.m., at the University Medical Center at Princeton’s Breast Health Center, located at 300B Princeton Hightstown Road, East Windsor, NJ. Pre-registration is required for this group.
     
    Please contact Lois Glasser at 1-201-301-6807 for more information or to register.
  • Empowering Our Health Through Conversation
    Sharing concerns about health, both physical and emotional, can lead to healing. This Spanish-speaking group will empower members to share their concerns with others in a supportive safe environment.
     
    This will be an eight-week patient support group that will take place on Thursday mornings.
     
    To register, or for more information Sonia Pacheco, LSW at 201-301-6815 orspacheco@cancercare.org.
  • General Patient Support Group
    This face-to-face support group is for anyone who has been diagnosed with cancer. The support group takes place on the 3rd Tuesday of each month from 1:30 p.m. – 3:00 p.m. at the Monroe Senior Center, 12 Halsey Reed Road, Monroe Township, NJ. Pre-registration is required for this group.
     
    Please contact Lois Glasser at 201-301-6807 for more information or to register.
  • Meditative Mandalas
    Have you heard that recent studies indicate that coloring mandalas or intricate patterns can induce a beneficial meditative state, thus reducing anxiety? Join us as we color beautiful mandalas over the course of four weeks with paints, pencils and markers. Your finished projects can be laminated, decoupaged, made into greeting cards or placemats, framed, hung as a reminder to relax—use your imagination!
     
    This is a quieter support group for anyone treated for cancer within the past two years. Calming music will be played during the group, encouraging a peaceful environment that promotes quiet conversation and self reflection. Each week we will discuss one mindfulness technique that may be applied in your life.
     
    The group will take place from 1:00-2:30 in Ridgewood, NJ and the exact location will be given at time of registration.
     
    For more information, or to register, please contact Claire Grainger, LCSW at 201-301-6811 or cgrainger@cancercare.org.
  • Prostate Cancer Patient and Family Support Group
    This face-to-face support group is for prostate cancer patients and their family members. This group takes place on the 2nd Wednesday of each month from 12:00 p.m. – 1:30 p.m. at the The University Medical Center at Plainsboro, located on Rt. 1 between Scudders Mill Road and Plainsboro R. Pre-registration is required for this group.
     
    Please contact Lois Glasser at 201-301-6807 for more information or to register.

Bereavement/Grief

  • Spouse/Partner Bereavement Support Group
    This 8-week face-to-face support group is for people who have lost a partner or spouse to cancer. The group will take place on Tuesday evenings from 6:00 p.m. – 7:30 p.m. at CancerCare’s New Jersey Office, 141 Dayton Street, Ridgewood, NJ. Pre-registration is required for this group.
     
    For more information, please contact Claire Grainger, LCSW at 201-301-6811 or cgrainger@cancercare.org.
  • Spouse/Partner Bereavement Support Group for Those With Children High School Age or Younger
    Come and share your story of love, loss, single parenting and hope with others experiencing a similar journey.
     
    CancerCare will be facilitating an eight-week Bereavement Support Group for those raising children who have recently experienced the loss of a loved one to cancer. This support group takes place on Tuesday evenings.
     
    To register, or for more information, please contact Claire Grainger, LCSW at 201-301-6811 or cgrainger@cancercare.org.

Community Programs in New Jersey

  • We’re Talking About It: Helping Children Cope When a Parent or Caregiver Has CancerTuesday, April 5, 6:00 p.m. – 8:00 p.m.
    CancerCare is offering a free 2-hour workshop for parents or caregivers with cancer, their partners and their children ages 5-12. The workshop, led by CancerCare social workers, will help families learn to cope and communicate with each other more effectively. We will include discussion of your children’s needs for accurate information and emotional support as your family copes with cancer and its treatment.
    Join us for pizza, fun activities for the kids and an evening of sharing and support!
    Registration is required. Please contact Ariana Parmese at 800-813-4673, ext. 6808 oraparmese@cancercare.org.
  • Healing Hearts Bereavement CampFriday, June 10, 6:00 p.m. – Sunday, June 12, 3:00 p.m.
    Our free Healing Hearts Family Bereavement Camp allows families who have experienced the loss of a loved one to cancer to come together for a weekend retreat. Each year, families spend three days at a working dude ranch in the beautiful Poconos. Fun activities like swimming, horseback riding, and fishing are combined with therapeutic grief activities led by CancerCareprofessional oncology social workers.
    “The camp is a place where the families can come together and not feel different,” explains CancerCare’s Claire Grainger, LCSW. “The kids meet others who have experienced a similar loss and they don’t have to explain anything to one another…There are a lot of tears, but there is also so much laughter. They’ve all found new friends – people that understand.”
    Listen to “Fly, Butterfly, Fly” – a song written by the campers:
    Please contact Claire Grainger, LCSW, at 800-813-4673, ext. 6811 orcgrainger@cancercare.org. You may also contact Kathy Nugent, LCSW at 800-813-4673, ext. 6809 or knugent@cancercare.org.

Patient/Family Resource Room

Located at our New Jersey office, patients and family members are invited to visit the resource room. Please call 201-444-6630 for more information.

Free Wigs

Free wigs are available at our New Jersey office. Please call 201-444-6630 for more information.

Magnolia Meals at Home

This is a meal delivery program that aims to help patients by providing nourishing meals to households affected by breast cancer and thyroid cancer. The program is currently being piloted in and around Woodcliff Lake, NJ and Andover, MA (as well as specific locations in New York, New Hampshire and Boston). Eligible participants will receive up to two months of home meal deliveries, each of which will include ten meals that are designed to help meet the nutritional needs of people living with breast cancer and thyroid cancer, and up to ten additional meals for their family members, if requested by the participant.
For more information please visit magnoliamealsathome.com or contact Kathy Nugent, LCSW at 800-813-4673, ext. 6809

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Not So Charming Affterall



I have not gotten so sick that I can hardly move but I do have sores in my mouth, my throat hurts and I have diarrhea again. I sweat quickly and feel flushed. Tonight, after I went and  picked up the mouth solution, I had a long bath and ate some chicken; I fell asleep on the tiny couch while watching a marathon of "Say Yes To The Dress". It felt good- had taken some nausea medicine although I did not feel nausea; It calmed my cramping in my stomach. It felt good to rest. Ordinary things are sometimes a hardship- like folding clothes or emptying the car of bags from my day- had been to tax preparer today. Loosing money this year with Madison being older, no longer head of household and she no longer a college student, I actually owe Uncle Sam and Aunt New Jersey. Oh Well, I will change my deductions for next year now.

I am getting real tired of this crap. Went and saw RN at oncology. My white cell count was good enough not to get an antibiotic. The nurse kept saying to take anti-diarrhea medicine after each and every time I go to the bathroom. I feel like I am living on medication to manage side effects. I carry my little orange bag of RECUE medication with me wherever I go. My blood pressure was running low also. I get easily aggravated these days too. A perceived inconsideration can turn into a big deal for me. I get my feelings hurt. I want lots of consideration. I want love and caring more now than ever before. I want people to recognize how hard this is for me. Whether I push through or not, I am struggling each day to do ordinary things. Caren suggested I rest more- even take some time off from work to just hang at home. I will seriously consider it after last treatment. The immediate days after are not the awful ones; it is the following 5 or 6 days.

Actually my friends at the office have been wonderful to me. Not my colleagues, but the people who know and love me there, who work along my side. day in and day out, like all the office staff and medical assistants.  They take care of me and would do anything for me. I feel so cared for by them. Kathy  comes over and checks on me almost daily. Michelle is still making soup for me. Liz is adorable- she will go through her entire desk offering me stuff to comfort me and the truth is, her kindness is what makes a difference. They all know if when a patient cancels, to block out that time. I had to leave early this week and also refused to see a family when they were not ready to see me at their appointment time. I cannot handle BS as well as I used to before chemo- I just do not tolerate it anymore. 

I did think of something I am pleased about since I love the Spring and Summer, I am glad that if I have to go through this crap, at least it is the Winter. One of things I disliked about my clinical depression, it was summer and I could not enjoy any of it. Just laid on top of my bed, running channels night after night, waiting for a miracle to suddenly feel like my old self. Never happened.  So, I am not loosing a wonderful season to an awful treatment. I do not even feel bad about the Cancer in itself- It is the  type of treatment I am getting that I cannot stand. I do not like anything about chemotherapy. I dislike having a PORT. I hate the room where I sit to get the treatment. Chemo makes me sick no matter how I look at it. My mornings are slow as I wake without energy. Sometimes, I need to remind myself of what the breast surgeon, Dr. Diane Gillum, did say to me- Sometimes I think for just a moment that there was a mistake and I do not need this type of awful treatment.  It is almost like having the heart surgery back when I was 15- "Are you sure??? I feel fine. Did you get this right???" are my thoughts. 

Being without hair is not an issue. Madison even thinks I am cute with all my little matching hats now. I hate feeling sick though. I hate being weak and drained and sore in the tummy and bottom. OKAY-- I complained enough for today. Tomorrow I will have lunch with some friends and then rest some more.