Hello everyone out there- It has been a very long time since I wrote but I am finding myself in the need of deep expression if I am going to make progress in becoming the healthiest version of myself.
I am working my way back into a good mindset to continue my lifetime battle with food and eating. Last year I started Optavia program right after Thanksgiving and managed to loose 35 lbs and held it off until mid summer- It is a low carb program and I went off to eat peaches and blueberries ( ot that is at least what I told myself) and soon everything was back in my daily eating
I have not weighed myself but I can tell from my clothes that I likely put back on 20 if the 35 lbs.
I am so sad to have to constantly monitor what i am eating, why i am eating etc... - It is all tied up with my attractiveness and feeling valued as a person not just a sexual being that often gets in my way. I want to live along healthy life and feel safe around men at the same time. and right now many men are on my sh-t list. The events of the last few years (including electing a man who says “Grab ’em by the pussy.”) has tapped into early wounds of being lied to and pressured to be sexual when I was not willing or wanting the same thing that the guy did. And it has been a fairly continuos revealing of how common that attitude is among many people including women who excuse it as "boys being boys". I believe those women don't even know that they have been manipulated to believe that women are asking for "it" if they behave a certain way, after-all, it is only what every man wants.
The sad part is that sexual expression, when both parties are willing, is a magnificent gift from our creator. I heard a fairly new country song on the radio today called "Drunk girl" by Chris Janson. It made me cry. It is about being safe from sexual assault when a girl has had too much to drink,ot even too broken hearted, too high - too anything to choose freely....... And how a boy is really a true man by taking a drunk girl home.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9-u0TdS9AY
