I Am Adorable- So They Tell Me

My hair has finally become my hair and I no longer refer to it as my chemo hair. My roots are coming in straight and I have these adorable curls at the end and it is so easy to manage and let it go wherever it wants. It is at that stage when I would get a permanent in the 80's and 3 months later it would be perfect. Yesterday, Maureen trimmed my bangs/ top of my head which seems to get heavy quick and all of you know how much I do not like my hair near my eyes. 

I learned that Dena Blizzard- One Funny Mother is actually her first cousin once removed- which means that their mothers are first cousins. Dena will be on stage as part of a fund raiser for Veterans at the end of April and I purchased 2 tickets. They are performing at the Ritz playhouse in Haddon Township. Please join in the fun! 

Date/Time- 04/29/2017, 7:00 pm
Location - Ritz Theatre, 915 White Horse Pike, Haddon Township, 
Event Description -  Support South Jersey veterans by enjoying an evening of comedy featuring the former Miss NJ, with Ron Kelly, Bob Marsdale and Tommy Highland.

The event will also include small plate snacks, a veteran’s-themed art exhibit and a cash bar featuring local wine and beer.   Doors open 7pm, show 8pm. Tickets $22.50 in advance, $27/50 at the door. Visit https://secure.wcit.net/ritztheatreco/remote.list_shows.php .
Sponsored by the Courier-Post, Ritz Theatre Company, One Funny Mother, Humor Hound, SLK Partners, Sanders Home Services and Camden County

I just came from seeing my colon doctor- it has been 5 years since my last game of "I spy with my eye" up your colon. Gave him all my health updates and am waiting for them to call me to set it up. Something must be wrong with me as I do not mind the prep- neither the drinking the concoction or emptying out of my body. It will be nice to learn that there is no signs of cancer in my colon- When I did genetic testing I learned  that the 2 kinds of cancer are can be genetically related.  

I guess this is a season for medical check ups- saw the eye doctor last week as my computer reading glasses did not seem strong enough anymore- They like to get you in there every year for a check up but it had been 2 or 3 which seems plenty enough for me. My script changed slightly so I am waiting for my new glasses and one of my old frames to be fitted with new lens - Distance has not changed thank goodness.  When I saw my primary care physician, she was thrilled as my cholesterol was only 175- the lowest it has been in 6 plus years. YAY for me. I take a small amount of a statin 3 times a week. But my weight loss program really sent it down.

So I am turning 61 in a few more days. Poor Madison and Brian. Every day I have been sending them reminders of our vacation from last year.  Best vacation ever. No vacation this year. all my resources are in the house- replaced Heating A/C and Hot Water Heater. Oh well.

Sometimes My Life Feels So Strange

Sometimes my life feels so strange. Clusters of chaotic energy come from nowhere- pushing me in all directions- leaving me gasping for down time to breathe. Little time for regaining balance between each hit. Thank goodness, my experience with rooms of recovery in Florida helped me learn to embrace the flow without needing to question why this or that. Trusting that it will all work out in the end.  I only need to live one day at a time or even one minute at a time.  That is what the last week or two has been like for me.

First, I attended Michael's memorial service and weeped for his agony.  I let my desire to hold him and tell him that I loved him over take me. Just allowing myself to feel that deep hurt and loss, wanting to talk with him over a glass of wine....... moments shared kept flashing before me as I shuttered in the permanence of his life now being over.

Then my heater stopped working and I got estimates on replacing the system along with my air conditioner and hot water heater as my house is 35 years old.  I had to resist pressure from different salesmen when I made my final choice to go with Elite owned by Eric Levy. I spent time and energy figuring out the best way to pay for all this considering that I have no savings and am still very much in credit card debt and also have monthly car payments until January 2018. Finally decided to do an 18 month low interest loan on my Discover card that I can pay back at $250 a month and be done in the nick of time.  

Then there were several phone calls from people with loved ones that needed education and guidance regarding aging life choices. On top of that, another group of calls, emails and text messages came in from private clients who needed my input for decisions on how to handle challenges in their lives.

I also devoted time to reading and editing my section in Rachel's book that she is writing.  In this book, as a call for action, she is committed to demonstrating the necessity of extensive research in brain health in order to provide better care for people with mental illness because it is not about them - it is about all of us- as innocent sufferers who often get lost and disappear due to the ignorance and neglect of our health care providers and system.

Getting to hot yoga, getting to my second job, meetings over lunch, straightening up the house so cleaners could work, coordinating installation of new HVAC system with my work hours, setting up routine oil change only to learn soon after my arrival, I absolutely needed 4 new tires and front brakes too. Use a loaner car and get to work.  Perform at my regular job as a geriatric medical social worker on a dementia evaluation team at a local medical school which includes running a Huntington disease support group the first Wednesday evening of every month.  Completing application to attend the Aging Life Association conference in San Antino the first week of May 2017 so I can visit with Rona too and celebrate Cinco de Mayo together in Texas!  Make airline and hotel reservations and get it all approved in time for early registration. Choosing to help friends with rides home from hospital and baby sitting for an adolescent son with autism. These are the activities that have consumed my days and nights in the last 2 or 3 weeks. Trying to remember to send out birthday wishes to friends and family, all the while sticking to a diet plan, drinking plenty of water, taking my medication twice a day, got my blood work done. And oh yes, create a power point presentation ready for Monday to give at Lourdes hospital and prepare another one for the residents of Brookdale Voorhees on how to treat those less fortunate than oneself with kindness, after all, they live in the same community as the rest of you and deserve to be there without being bullied for being sick.

So you can imagine a few things about me now. I am not very good at staying in touch by telephone with friends although staying close to them matters a great deal to me. But above all else, I must have a healthy fully functional brain at all times, in order to maintain the high degree of performance that my life requires of me. I can never allow myself to become depressed again. Any disease developing in my brain will not allow me to do all that I do. I am blessed.

"You is kind.  You is smart. You is important."   Aibileen Clark, The Help ~ Kathryn Stockett

"Naked and Afraid" or Warm and Cozy Under the Covers! You choose !!

I found new meaning in the expression "Naked and Afraid" I know it is a tv show about survival. But it also about how I approach my scale at times.  I have lost 20 lbs as of today.  This program is allowing me to change my relationship with food. I am looking at food less and less and I am satisfied with less of it as well. It is starting to allow me to become more honest. There is nothing magical about food and emotional eating. It is a temporary solution to a permanent problem which can be one of many things.  I can make poor choices because I am bored or because I want to be nice to myself thinking I deserve a treat.  I can overeat because I am sad or because I am celebrating. I think my favorite reasons for making poor choices is because I am tired. Eating keeps me awake when I ought to just go to sleep. Slowing, my food choices are coming back into line with my overall goals in life.  Which is to live a healthy life of peace and well being and be of service to others.

My life has become very interesting since the beginning of the year. There are others I am helpful to in a few different respects but I am also able to honor my own limits and priorities. I have the freedom to do as I wish now too. I am enjoying being an empty nester. I got to baby sit for a few friends and family. I got to run errands for someone who was getting out of the hospital and bring her home. I go to hot yoga  about 3 times a week. I see friends for lunch and go to movies- either alone with a friend.  I catch up with my daughter from time to time and visit with her in Philly.  I love getting photos on my smart phone from family and friends and reading Facebook too.  I am very content. Both of my jobs are going extremely well.

At this moment, I am surprised at myself. Last week, I started shopping for a new Heating and A/C system because mine is over 35 years old...... as old as the house..... which I have owned for 20 plus years. I got 2 estimates. The first guy was here last Saturday so I turned off the system because it was so beautiful out. And the next day when I went to turn it back on , the fan motor said "NO THANK YOU.  I AM DONE NOW".  The 3 rd company is a company that I used before- Eric Levy from Elite Heating and A/C.  And he is my final choice for many reasons and he won't be able to fit me in until sometime next week- He mostly does commercial work now.  So I'm home tonight while it is freezing outside without any heat and I am calm.  No worries. It will get fixed when it gets fixed. No anxiety.

Although I am a little uncomfortable, I am managing. It will be warmer on Sunday and next week. I only have to be cold for 36 to 48 hours I am guessing.  So I will take a hot bath and I do have an electric bed warmer aka mattress pad.  As always, it was good talking to you- good night and sweet dreams.